Commercialize Puns

Cuz you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

It’s just Shameless plug after Shameless plug.

Stay tuned

Guess it was Progressive.

But his Net income always put me off.

I really hope Tide had another commercial ready just in case.

Edit: Thank you for the Reddit Gold, kind stranger! My first!

Now I want my Nickelback.

I told him, "It's a tie, dad"

Seems like they were just half-assing it.

I didn’t think I would get it, but then I pulled some strings.

Against my better judgement, I followed my doctor's advice.

The director said I was perfect for that roll.

They don't make any scents

They don't make any scents!

Well, my comeback to that is, whether you are so over it or not, it is certainly all over you.

Pointing his firearm at two cashiers, he shouts “hand over the contents of the cash register! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession...you know, a habitual occupation followed for a livelihood and involving commercial transactions!”

Cashier 1: “What do we do?”

Cashier 2: “Do what he says, I think he means business!”

You could say the decision was pretty spa-radic

"Jesus of Nazareth will return."

He keeps getting older, but his cars stay the same age.

"I camembert if I’ve told you today, but just in queso I haven’t, you're looking sharp! I havarti accepted you stilton love “cheesy” holidays, but ricotta think things can only get feta with a little roman(ce)o. It colby just me, but I swiss you very much when we’re apart. It’s cheddar when we’re together because then I don’t feel provolone. I think we go gouda together, and I want to grow mold with you. Wheel you brie my valentine?"

My clients get their asses handed to them.

I don't know if this is a nationwide thing, but in New Jersey, we get commercials for a brand of eggs called "Eggland's Best."

Their slogan is "better eggs" so every time the commercial comes on, my dad says, without fail, "Who says they're the best? The egg-sperts!"

So am I supposed to use a dishwasher then?

I didn't make a Peep.

Boyfriend: So how many kids does The Rock have?

Me: Two.

B: Both daughters, or is one a son?

M: Both daughters.

B: He should have another kid so that he can have a boy and take a family photo, where it's the boy, his two daughters, and then him standing on the end. 'Cause you know what he'd be then?

M: What?

B: Third Rock from the son.

He's sleeping outside tonight.

Hoe, hoe, hoe, green giant.

Now that's what I call Artificial in-telly gents.

We skip most of the football due to the annoying announcers, confusing rules and frequent replay delays, but I was able to come up with an answer when he asked what happens when both teams fail to score in OT. It’s a tie, Dad.

... is still struggling to get off the ground."

Like title says, during a commercial for Botox to treat migraines, the wife casually states.

"Psht, Migraines. I think it's all in their head."

She promptly received a high five.

And they say you cant create your own destiny.

That's my jam!

Her: Hey it's Snowden!

Me: That's impossible. It's hot outside!

TV: I dropped 40 pounds on Jenny Craig!

Dad: Well, did it kill her?

Me: exasperated eye-roll

Dad: I don't know why he's so fucking jolly, he only comes once a year...