What’s the difference between a lousy trashy stand up comedian, and a father making jokes about pens?
One is bad at telling dick jokes, the other is dad at telling Bic jokes.
I tried to become a stand up comedian, but it turns out that I am more of a "sit down" comedian.
After every joke I told, someone kept yelling "sit down"!
Why should a poor person never become a comedian?
Because their jokes don’t make any cents
What do you call a comedian who isn't funny?
If a Priest becomes a standup comedian
Will Father be cracking dad jokes then?
My friend, who's an aspiring comedian, asked me if I thought his jokes were too plain...
I answered: "Quite the opposite. I think they're hill areas."
What does a Hawaiian comedian put on a sunburn?
Why do mountains make good comedians?
Because they're hill areas...
What do comedians like to read?
Why do comedians love cardiologists ?
Because they laugh heartily.
DEAD YET ?
I gave a bored king a comedian to try to entertain him
He appreciated the jester
I thought about being a comedian instead of a mailman, but it didn't work out
My delivery was terrible.
Our plumber moonlights as a stand-up comedian.
He's a terrible plumber, but he really cracks me up.
Why don't comedians have much trouble eating?
Because everything they do in-jest!
Who is the favourite comedian of a masochist?
Why are woodpecker standup comedians so annoying?
They can't stop telling knock-knock jokes.
Why did the squirell think he was a comedian?
Because he could tell acorny joke
what do you call a comedian that's not good or bad?
As a comedian, I tell jokes about the unemployed.
Unfortunately, none of them work.
I sure got a kick out of seeing the comedian perform.
I would have preferred a handshake, though.
What did the cannibalistic comedian say when the audience was hard to eat?
Shush I'm watching the comedian
Oh wait i mean the president
Creds to my dad for that joke
Why did the flatbread become a clean comedian?
He wanted to be naan-offensive.
As a comedian I make good jokes sometimes
They LAUGHED at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian...
but no one's laughing now...
As a blind comedian, I have been trying to understand my audience.
I want to be a comedian
But people just laughed at me
What’s the collective noun for a group of Japanese calligraphy comedians?
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian
You gotta give him props for that
Where do all the comedians in Japan live?
Did you hear about the comedian who fell through some floor boards?
He was just going through a stage
Did you hear about the ophthalmologist who was also a comedian?
His jokes are pretty cornea.
I just realized they can't ever make a movie about a male scandanavian Transformer who works as a stand-up comedian.
They'd be guilty of vehicle Lars mans laughter.
I used to date a comedian. I have nothing bad to say about her...
Why wasn’t the sphere a comedian?
Last night, there was such an amazing stand-up comedian at the party that we decided to raise our glasses filled with alcohol to praise him.
What do you call a comedian who can’t remember the punchline
Idk I’m the one who’s asking
What happened to the cobra comedian when it bombed on stage?
Apparently a bunch of comedians are making their own beer at the local pub.
I don't know, sounds like a big brewhaha to me.
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
You are watching a stand-up comedy and suddenly the comedian sits down
Why don't comedians like being quarantined?
They can only make inside jokes.
What does a comedian take inventory of before a show?
Everybody laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian...
Well, they aren't laughing now.
I’m strictly a one liner comedian
I only perform on the Queen Mary.
What do a drug dealer and a comedian have in comon.
They both crack people up.
Before the crash, I use to be a a pretty good stand up comedian
Now I'm a sit down comedian.
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