Just clocked out of my job as an acupuncturist.
I’d say I did a jab well done.
Cop to me: I clocked your friend at over 80 MPH
Me to cop: You're lying! Nobody can punch that fast
Some jerk wouldn’t tell me the time so I clocked him.
Most people set their morning alarms on the hour (ie. 6am, 7am, 8am), but mine goes off half-clocked
6:30 is the best time on a clock.
I ate a clock
It was very time consuming lucky I went back for seconds
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping.
He’s in for a rude awakening.
Why did the clock get arrested?
What is the downside of eating a clock?
My clock just learned to speak!
A clock started training for a marathon
Now everyone's mad it runs fast.
What happens when you accidentally drop you Viagra on your clock?
Your gonna have a hard time...
Where do clocks upload their videos?
I was taught by my driving instructor to hold the steering wheel at 10 & 2 o clock
At other times i would just crash.
Why did the kids throw the clock?
What do you call the notebook of a clock collector?
Hickory Dickory Dock; the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck 1
The others escaped with minor injuries.
Why do clocks from the capital of Italy always make people fall in love?
Because they make romantics.
I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.
It was too time consuming.
For My Birthday My Kids Gave Me An Alarm Clock That Sweared At Me Instead Of Buzzing.
It was quite a rude awakening.
Source: Corny Dad Jokes
How many times in a day can you look at a clock?
What's the difference between a boy clock and a girl clock?
A boy clock goes "tick tock, tick tock, tick tock" and a girl clock just tocks...and tocks...and tocks.
The alarm clock may be bulky, dirty, and poorly designed
But it's what's on the inside that counts.
Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.
It would be truly alarming.
Clock tower maintenance workers are going on strike!
“It’s about high time,” commented the union representative.
If a clock you ordered arrived in the mail,
That means your time is here
My boyfriend told me he already turned the clocks forward an hour in the kitchen. I told him he is a man ahead of his time.
“Dad, did you remember to move the clocks forward last night?”
‘Yeah, but they fell off the shelf.”
Guys! They finally made a story about clocks!
My friend makes a living off of being the sound of a clock.
Her actual words were, "I'm a tiktoker," but I knew what she meant.
i tried to eat a clock yesterday.
It was quite time consuming.
Why did the clock go back four seconds?
I thought my friends believed I was the clock
But it ends up they were just winding me up.
When you order a clock online and it arrives
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
So I asked the employee if I could see the clock for sale, so she gave it to me. I asked my dad if I could buy it.
My dad said “we don’t have Time for that, we’re gonna leave any Second now, so Hand it back to the lady and head back to Hour car”
Why did the old man throw his clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly!
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
Don’t annoy clocks
Or they’ll get ticked off.
Just thought this : I went to the doctor cause I was pooping clocks
The doctor told me i was wasting time
What is a clocks favorite spice
It took me over 6 months to come up with a joke about calendars and clocks.
Don't ever try eating a clock if you're in a hurry
Whats the best time on a clock?
Yesterday I ate a clock....
It was very time consuming, especially when I went back for seconds.
What do you call a belt with a clock on it?
What does a clock do when he's still hungry
What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
I just ate a clock
It was very time consuming
Last night I ate a clock
It was very time consuming.
Especially when I went back for seconds.
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.
That way you start 2021 on the right foot.
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