What do you type into a time machine if you want to go to Christmas?

Present Day.

I haven't tried it, but pretty sure it'll work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joepopp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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Christmas time
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curiouscat887
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Why is christmas time the best time to make an online dad-joke filled advent calendar?

Because it's the most punderful time of the year!

Link to calendar for those who want it: https://pdfhost.io/v/TQuSCzy.W_AdventCalendar2020pdf.pdf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leron4551
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Most people would prefer to have the time off between Christmas and New Year, but I have a better idea.

I'd like to have the time off between New Year and Christmas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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Last year, my wife was so angry that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present, but that's not happening this time, because I bought her present two months ago! It's all wrapped up, sitting under the tree, waiting for her on Christmas Day!!

She's going to love these flowers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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What do angels sing during Christmas time?

No Hell, No Hell!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyCosmonaut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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It’s Christmas time

Why do elves go to school?

To learn the elphabet

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Starcream28266
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Son, it is time you hear the truth. Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny are not real. Mum and I bring you the gifts.

Son: I know Mum already told me. She also said that uncle Mike is the stork.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acbro3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Why is Christmas General Zod's favourite time of the year?

....Because it's No-El....

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordtarantula
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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So my plumber is doing this Christmas-time ballet....

He's calling it the Buttcracker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2017
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I met my preschool-aged niece for the first time Christmas eve

She loves turning into a "blood monster," running up to people, slapping them, and claim she's sucking our blood as she yells "I'm a blood monster! Rawr!"

Me: "Oh no, she's a hemoGOBLIN!"

I got some applause from the few adults present.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuebic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
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How did Scrooge get his employees to work double time on Christmas Eve?

He made Crochet sign a quaver.

(Credit goes to a friend of mine who's been writing Christmas cracker puns)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoutgun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2012
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Every time I would ask my Dad what he got me for Christmas...

"Dad, what did you get me for Christmas?"

"Close your eyes and I'll show you"

Closes eyes

"Now what do you see?"

"Nothing, Dad."

"Exactly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sooperwalrus25
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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Christmas, a time for passing on traditions

I bought a bottle of whiskey for our pastor and when my son saw it he said, "straight rye whiskey ... the true spirit of Christmas."

He's going to make a great dad someday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akustix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
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Celebrating Christmas early, SO says, "It's present time!"

To which her dad responds, "Isn't it always 'present time'?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JLambo54
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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This Dad: "This will be the greatest Christmas Card of all time"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/illogical_thunder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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Christmas Time Dad Joke

My dad loves trivia and brain teasers. He asks me "How many d's in Rudolph, the red nosed reindeer."

I figure people don't count the d at the end of red-nosed. So I say "4" with confidence....

He says, "nope....237." I looked at him, everyone in this sub-reddit know the look.

Then he starts singing " dee dee dee dee dee ..." to the tune of Rudolph.

I laughed and added it to my repertoire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeTheBum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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December 24 is my grandma's birthday, so we have all the family together to celebrate Christmas and her birthday at the same time.

Every year my father think's it's hilarious to say "It's amazing, you were born a day before Jesus and are still with us."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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My grandma has these reindeer sculptures she puts up at Christmas time.

One of them fell over and an ear broke off. Without skipping a beat my dad says

"That deer will have a silent night without it's ear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kHusKee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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