Christmas Friend Puns

They're due back at the library on Friday, thanks.

I told her it was stollen.

He drives a mustang and was trying to figure out how to get it in his car.

Friend: “How do I get this thing in my car? It’s almost as tall as I am!”

Me: “Guess you’re just gonna have to angle it.”

Friend and everyone in a 30 foot radius: -groan and facepalm-

But his mic do.

She's my check mate.

I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?'

The friend sees it and says

"You shoudn't have got this. It's super rare and expensive. I'm probably going to use it for cooking anyway. It gives very nice flavor."

The guy responds

"Well if you're going to cook with it, better be now. There's no thyme like the present"

It is really putting a strain on our relationship.

It took the surgeons more than 4 hours to take it out, however.

It’s a gag gift

She was light headed!

..."Don, we now are gay apparel."

It was a wrap battle.

No one in attendance was under 55 when they dropped this bomb shell on each other:

My Dad: Hey Al, your dog is getting fat.

Al: He's on a sea food diet.

At this point all of the dads there jumped in and in perfect synchronization shouted: "See food and eat it!"

I'm a gangster wrapper.

So now whenever I tell a dad joke they can roll their Is!

[my parents bickering like a married couple] My mom: don't get snippy! Lance: my hairdresser gets a bit snippy sometimes

Everyone else: good lord that was majestic