The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week

Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justin_true_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My obese friend in the UK just order a bunch of workout equipment.

He already feels hundreds of pounds lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/30ChefCurry
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Locksmith friend of mine just retired, said he never once got rained out.

It seems that all of his work was in doors.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaynePrndl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend just caught covid from his cat

Don't ask meow

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadofTamzin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...

I've sent him a Get Well Soon card.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine just said to me β€œI’m training to be garbage man”

I said β€œYou don’t need training for that! You just pick it up as you go along”

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Just watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back with a friend

Stupid, really, because it meant I couldn't see the TV

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jezzter88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
my friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend wasn't happy with his new car, so I said "Dude, just roll with it".
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeoMap73
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
so my drummer friend and her partner just had triplets. Girls. Their names?

Anna One, Anna Two, Anna 1-2-3.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend on Facebook just made a post about her favorite professor passing today.

I really wanted to comment and say β€œAt least he passed and didn’t fail.”

But, I feel like it’s too soon and wouldn’t be appreciated.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomPseudonyms
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
So my friend just made my morning
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gilivanili
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just called me and told me he has changed his name to Spinal Column.

I said, "I'll call you back."

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out that my friend lives a secret life as a priest.

It’s his altar ego.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine just died from eating too many herbs

It was his Thyme

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine just named their child Geneva.

It’s rather too conventional for me...

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjnfsk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!

I was quicker to the draw.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snoo-lad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just hired a limo for $1000 but it didn't come with a driver.

Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it!

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ATX_Stig
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Now you just wait there a damn second friend.. a little birdie has just informed me that you are in fact a mime

Ya don’t say.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Just talked to an old friend the other day

He was saying he was going to visit his parents. I asked why he needed to drive to Boston and Philly and he said β€œTo see MA and PA.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lxlic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!

For now, they're just cell mates.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7_Pillars
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
So I had this conversation with a friend just now
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Atairy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
2020 is just one long episode of Friends...

Because it hasn’t been my day, my week, my month or even my year

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nigeriantoast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just bought breast implants made of Oak.

It seems like that would be uncomfortable, wooden tit?

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Minnaloushe_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend knows just who he can trust in the seedy part of town to get him safe candy and sweets...

He has treat smarts.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. Now we call him Dr Awkward.
πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mefingers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I was cooking burgers with my friend Nicky when I flipped one up high and hit him with it, just below the chin...

It was a Nick neck patty whack.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prexzan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just got a job as a elevator repair technician

they're really moving up in the company.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote a card for my friend who just graduated high school and wants to study geology and/or paleontology in college. She also likes puns :)
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutrinoccino
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine just told me his boyfriend dumped him when he found out he had a Bakugo body pillow!!

"WHAT!?!?!" I cried, "THAT GUY IS UNBEWEEBABLE!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MontanaScotty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just sitting on the couch when my friend tells me, β€œyour not even listening to me.”

I thought that’s a very weird way to start a conversation.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrimLegend5331
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad just told me this one: Two WiFi engineer friends of mine just got married.

The wedding was ok, but the reception was fantastic!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StefanE30325i
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My Indian friend just told her parents she wants to wear a Western dress at her wedding.

She said, β€œSorry, but not Sari.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Something a friend just sent me....
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dunadan37x
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend just told me about this documentary on burnout in the pagan community...

it's called "The Bleh Witch Project"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tel-aran-rhiod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
When I go for a walk with my best friend, he can’t help but stop and pet every animal he sees. He just thinks they’re so adorable!

He has awwtism.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend was just diagnosed with a flesh eating bacteria, so I texted him to see how he is doing.

He said: IDK

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BSMike82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Mike Tyson and I were talking about our friend Sarah who had just gotten into town. I asked, "so, how did she get from L.A. to here?" He replied...

"Theraflu."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw a friend of mine sweep a girl off her feet.

He’s quite an aggressive janitor.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Two friends are having a conversation. "My wife has just gone on vacation in the Carribbean" say's one. "Jamaica?" replies the other.

No, she wanted to go.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out that my friend with a stutter died in prison

He didn't finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Sparky_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone just arrested my friend’s dad, and he won’t wake up.

It was cardiac.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidwon06
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my friend that I just got my Bachelor of Science.

My friend said, β€œThat’s BS!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/csteinbergrules
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out that my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It’s his altar ego.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just hired a limo for a $1000 but it didn't come with a driver !

Imagine spending all that money and having nothing to chauffeur it

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report

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