Why is a chocolate cake a bad partner?

Because it will dessert you

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📅︎ Sep 03 2019
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A couple were arguing over which of them gets to finish preparing their son's chocolate cake...

It was a custardy battle.

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👤︎ u/vysken
📅︎ Dec 24 2015
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In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.

Preferred pronouns are Her/she

👍︎ 164
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📅︎ Jan 29 2020
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While walking down the street a man found a hundred dollars on the ground...

While walking down the street a man found a hundred dollars on the ground. Ecstatic, he took the money and walked into a nearby store, thinking he would treat himself. Inside, he purchased a large chocolate cake and started walking home. Suddenly, a crazy old man popped out of an alley next to him and ran straight past him! As he went by, he dropped a mechanical eyeball straight into the middle of the cake. Dazed, the man stopped and stared at the eyeball when it suddenly started to belt out a tune!

Well, obviously the best part of this story was the finding of the 100 dollars - everything else is just eye sing on the cake.

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📅︎ May 30 2019
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I burnt about 2,000 calories today

I left the chocolate mud cake in the oven to long

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📅︎ Jul 14 2019
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, “Do you want a lift”. “No thanks”, they replied, “We’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said “that’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said “store in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says “I keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says “I’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say “OLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Punsville
📅︎ May 28 2017
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Mum: can you get a Frozen cake for Sophias birthday?

...upon bringing in a normal chocolate cake....

"It was frozen, I defrosted it."

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👤︎ u/atheistmil
📅︎ Mar 11 2017
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At my uncle Joe's birthday dinner

My sister: "What kind of cake did you make, Grandma? German chocolate, right?" Dad: "No, it's Joe-man chocolate." Damnit Dad.

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📅︎ Jan 09 2016
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