What did the zookeeper yell when people kept saying the chimp in the cage was fake?

"Ape real, fools!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SakuOtaku
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I just concluded research mapping chimp feces ...

... the locations are marked on a scatter plot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/8bagels
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlejandroTheGreat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2009
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So there was this zookeeper...

(This probably makes more sense if you're British.)

Doing his rounds one day and when he got to the bird enclosure he noticed a load of the birds had died. Unsure as to what he should do with the bodies he tossed them into the big cat exhibit.

The next day he was cleaning out the primates and noticed the lifeless figure of an ape laying on the floor... not wanting to perform a proper burial and besides- he wasn't earning much more than minimum wage anyway so he tossed it into the big cat enclosure.

On his third day the zookeeper came across his colleague who kept bees, it seems they'd got sick and a lot of the hive had perished. Not to worry, the zookeeper scooped them onto a shovel and tossed them into the big cat exhibit. It's the circle of life he thought to himself.

The next day there was a lot of excitement in the zoo. A new lioness had arrived. The lioness stalked out of the trailer...sniffed at the unfamiliar lion next to her...

"So, what's the food like in this place then?" She asked awkwardly.

"It's actually not that bad" replied the lion. "Over the past few days we've had Finch, chimps and mushy bees"

Badum tssss! Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

Yeah, for any non brits that read all that: Fish, chips and mushy peas is a classic English dish. So...yeah...that's the joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FananaBartman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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What do you call it when a Gun gives birth to a Monkey

A Chimp off the old Glock

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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A friend of mine was telling me about her first day working at a zoo...

When she arrived at the zoo she went to see her manager and asked what she should do, the manager told her to first go feed the sharks, so she went off to feed them. Whilst she was shovelling the food into the pool a shark jumped out of the water and tried to bite her, as a reflex she hit the shark with the spade and the shark died. Worried about losing her job this soon the woman started brainstorming what to do, eventually she decided to feed the dead shark to the lions thereby removing all evidence and so that is what she did. Shaken but glad she had avoided detection the women went back to see her manager and asked if there was anything else that needed doing, she was told to go and clean out the monkey cage.. So off the woman went with a wheelbarrow and shovel to clean out the cage, as she was shovelling the poop into the barrow a monkey jumped down from the tree towards her! As a reflex reaction the women smashed the monkey with the spade and it lay dead. Thankfully she knew just what to do and so she threw the monkey into the lion cage. Shaken and ready to go home by now, the women went to see if there were any final jobs that needed doing: she was tasked with collecting the honey from the bees. So she got changed into her protective gear however she forgot to tuck in the back of her shirt so when it came to doing the bees, one particularly large bee came and stung her right on the behind! The woman screamed and started whacking the bees until many lay dead. By now she didn’t even have to think.. she collected the dead bees and threw them in the lion cage before going home for a quiet evening.

The next day there was a new lion in the lion cage. The new lion said to the other lions β€œso what’s the food like here??” The other lions responded...

β€œActually it’s quite good. Yesterday we had FISH, CHIMPS and MUSHY BEES!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SidB_22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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This pun was so bad , It left a scar.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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My friend did not believe in the existence of underwear for apes.

I told her to looked them up and showed her on the internet .

I said "Ha!... Chimp pants, see?".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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A lion is walking through the Safari...

He walks up to a zebra and says, "hey zebra, guess what? I'm a tiger." The zebra rolls it's eyes and the lion walks away. Next, the lion sees a giraffe and says, "hey giraffe, guess what? I'm a tiger." The giraffe scoffs and turns away. Finally, the lion walks up to a chimpanzee and says, "yo chimp, guess what? I'm a tiger..."

The chimp looks right back and the lion and says, "dude, will you quit lyin'..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajoltman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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What do you call a monkey who likes to touch people?

Chimp-handsy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/usualsuspektt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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Hear they had a radioactive spill at the primate lab?

They've now got fission chimps.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Random facts lead to Dad jokes.

I told my brothers friends that men and ants were the only species who can conduct war.

One of them asked "Who made the study to find that out?"

And from behind comes "An Ant-thropologist"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CommissarCallahan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
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Have you heard of the fake Italian monkey walking around town?

He is an CHIMP PASTA

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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