I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree.
The assistant asked me, βWill you be putting that up yourself?β I replied, βNo, Iβll be putting it up in my living room.β
π︎ 270
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a hamster?
π︎ 20
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︎ Sep 26 2020
How about those shopping centers?
You've seen one, you've seen 'em-all
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Iβm thinking about opening a plastic surgery center
I will call it βPick Your Noseβ
π︎ 14
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︎ Oct 12 2020
I frantically rushed to the computer service center to repair my storage device before it died
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 29 2020
Whatβs at the center of a manta ray?
π︎ 10
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︎ Jun 22 2020
The cake shows up to the talent show and takes center stage. When the judge asks what is his talent. He replies...
π︎ 17
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︎ Jun 16 2020
I saw a duck at my local rehab center.
I asked and he said heβs there because heβs a recovering quack addict.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jun 09 2020
The 'i' of the hurricane is exactly at the center of the word
π︎ 14
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︎ Apr 13 2020
Somebody stopped me the other day in the shopping center and said "oh, sorry, i thought you were someone else" .
π︎ 13
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︎ Apr 28 2020
I stepped into this group and found myself in the center of a... pundemic
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 08 2020
I just saw a ship builder hit a guy with a structure that runs along the center of a ship's bottom...
He keeled the other fellow just like that!
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 21 2020
I was going to make a dad joke about the center of the earth...
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 24 2020
My friend the photographer always trims the outer edges of his pictures to be curved so that every edge is equidistant from the center...
He liked making crop circles.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 16 2020
Why did the man buy a tire storage center?
π︎ 2
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︎ May 18 2020
I went to make a sandwich and found there was a hole going through the center of some of the slices.
So this is why it's called "hole wheat"
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 24 2020
Did you hear about the new sign they put on the lawn of the rehab center?
It says βKeep off the grassβ
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 04 2020
What happens in the poke center stays in the pokecenter
π︎ 11
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︎ Dec 08 2019
Found at Indian Hills Community Center
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 28 2019
My friend tried to get me to join his MLM scheme of selling devices for establishing a horizontal line by means of a bubble in a liquid that shows adjustment to the horizontal by movement to the center of a glass tube...
It'd make cents off so many levels.
/edit:rephrased punchline
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 29 2020
Indian Hills Community Center - Colorado
π︎ 47
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︎ Sep 25 2019
The National Center for Disease Control just downgraded the coronavirus.
They say itβs a corona lite virus now.
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 07 2020
The guy who paints the center line down the highway came into my deli for a quick bite...
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 27 2020
You know what they say about the food at meditation centers?
It may not take up all your stomach but it will always keep your mind full
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 23 2020
What US state is round on the sides but tall in the center?
π︎ 21
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︎ Oct 12 2019
When the teacher asked where the apple's seeds are located, little Johnny said "the center."
She said, "that's almost core-rect."
π︎ 9
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︎ Jan 07 2020
The man at the recycling center seemed so sad
So I asked "Why so down in the dumps?"
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 24 2019
I just got fired from a job at a convention center explaining in simple terms to businesses why they should come demo their products at our conventions.
It's my exposition exposition ex-position.
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 02 2019
What language do they speak at the center of the earth
π︎ 47
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︎ Apr 28 2019
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center... The interviewer asked me if I can work well under pressure
π︎ 23
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︎ Jul 13 2019
Call Center Life
π︎ 22
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︎ May 29 2019
Did you know in which language was the movie "Journey to the center of the Earth" released first??
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 02 2019
How many licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Give me a second; it's on the tip of my tongue.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 24 2019
The center of a donut might be fat free
but it tastes like nothing.
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 24 2019
I used to work in a garden center and they had thyme just for pizza, which I thought was a rip off because any thyme is pizza thyme.
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 22 2019
Wondering why he is the center of talk, lately
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 11 2019
π︎ 28
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︎ Dec 28 2018
Shopping centers, you've seen one
π︎ 12
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︎ Sep 22 2020
Once you've seen one shopping center...
π︎ 33
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︎ Jul 11 2020
What language do they speak at the center of the earth?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 10 2019
Once youβve seen one shopping center...
π︎ 21
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︎ Jun 16 2019
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