Who looks at the ceiling and cheers?
What do you call an Irish electrician hanging from your ceiling?
I bought the last ceiling fan they had at the store...
unfortunately, it was a floor model. My ankles are killing me!
My Dad works in the ceiling fan industry
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.. COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY!
He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”
I was just looking at my ceiling
Not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
You know, I was looking at our ceiling the other day. It’s not the best...
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling
Guy:"Whats this about?"
Bartender:"Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyones drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?
Guy:"Nah, the steaks are too high."
I bought a ceiling fan the other day...
All he does is stand clapping at the roof
I'm not sure if my ceiling is the best i've ever had
but it's certainly up there.
I've just had a mirror fixed to my bedroom ceiling...
....so I can see my wife having a headache.
i went to a restaurant and the waitress threw a piece of meat on the ceiling. she offered me $100 to go and get it off and i replied:
No, the steaks are too high!
Painting my ceiling isn't exactly #1 on my priority list.
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
What kind of nut is attached to the ceiling?
A Wall-nut.
From my 8 year old son tonight. I am so proud.
Found out I’m allergic to ceiling mounted dart boards...
They always make me throw up
You know you're an adult when you look at the ceiling after hearing a dad joke
We moved to a second floor apartment with ceiling fans.
I can now say I have fans in high places.
My local pub has put a dartboard on the ceiling
Makes me want to throw up!
I found mushrooms growing from the bathroom ceiling in my NYC apartment (typical) and called my dad to see what I should do about it.
He immediately said, “Well, I wouldn’t eat them.”
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…
You know, my ceiling is pretty good
It’s not the best, but it is up there
There are 4 lizards chilling in the ceiling, one of them did a back flip. How many are left in the ceiling?
None, as the rest clapped and cheered.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
If I started a band called “Ceiling”...
Would that make the people who enjoy my music “Ceiling Fans”?
My wife wanted to buy a ceiling light. She said, “this one comes with a hanging chain but I think we should just mount it flush with the ceiling.”
I said, “that would be off the chain.”
A man walks into a bar and sees a steak hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender, "Why is there a piece of steak hanging from the ceiling?
The bartender replies, "If somebody jumps and manages to hit the steak, all drinks will be free for the entire night. However, if somebody tries and misses, they will have to buy drinks for everybody else for the entire night. Would you like to try?"
The man thinks about it and replies, "No thanks, the stakes are too high."
The ceiling is one of my favourites.
It’s not the best, but it’s up there.
An old man lay dying under the ceiling fan which had the bearing of a military helicopter airily surveying the aftermath of a natural disaster.
Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.
His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.
"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."
"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.
"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."
"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."
"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."
An homage to a one-time teen star suspended from the Muppet*Vision ceiling, Disney World
I love my local team so much I hang from the ceiling and spin around.
Anyone can dance on the ceiling...
If they just stick to it.
I once knew a guy whose entire career was based around rating the best ceilings for different houses. Ever day he researched the available options and what was best and worst about them.
Man walks into a butcher store and sees a side of beef strapped to the ceiling. As he approaches the counter he asked asks “Hey, what’s with the beef?”
Butcher tells him if he can jump up and touch it, he gets half off his purchase. If not, he pays double. The man looks up at the beef and says,
“Nah. The steaks are too high.”
Ceilings aren’t my favorite part of a house,
But they’re definitely up there.
I’m exhausted! When I get home from work I’m just gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling.
This evening’s definitely looking up
Why are people always avoiding the fan facing the ceiling?
Because they're afraid of it blowing up.
What did the ceiling fan say?
WOOHOO! YEAH NO. 1! GO CEILING!
I’ve been looking at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and although I’m not sure whether it’s the best in the world...
...It’s definitely up there.
“Hey you see that ceiling, it’s not the best ceiling i’ve ever seen but
The walls might not have eyes but the ceiling has two!
I was just looking at my ceiling...
Not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, "What's this about?"
The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?"
The guy replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
I don't have the best ceiling in the world
What sound do ceiling fans make?
CEILING! CEILING! CEILING! CEILING!
I don't know if my ceiling is the best ceiling.
But it's definitely up there.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day
Complete waist of money. He just kept saying “I love how smooth it is”
I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world,
but it’s definitely up there.
Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling...
...but it's definitely up there.
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