The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
A trophy.
So there were 6 of us...
With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)
There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".
Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"
The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.
Best day of my comedic life
Short
2 was enjoying a special position in the sequence of numbers. It was the only even prime number. All the other even numbers existed only because 2 existed. Heck, even computers ran on base-2.
As a result, 2 looked down upon all the other numbers, but no one could do anything about it.
3 and 5 conspired against 2 and decided they needed to do something so that it lost its powers. They kidnapped 2, and through magic divided 2’s powers equally among themselves. 2 ceased to exist. 3 and 5 both increased by 1.
Looking at 2’s dead body, they said, “Now we are even.”
He wanted to cease the means of production
Cease the means.
I purchased some 8oz cans of soda at Target last night and I managed to Dad-joke the cashier:
Cashier: "Do you like these in bags?"
Me: "No thanks, I like them in cans. I didn't even know they came in bags."
She rolled her eyes and ceased all communication.
Because it's a buck buck buck cawk.
Me: You sure I have to go tomorrow?
Dad: Yes. The family is expecting you. Just talk to David and he can help you out.
Me: Roger That
Dad: No his name is David
So if you make a lighter heavier, will it cease to exist?
…when his grandson asks him, "where am I?" My dad replies, "you're right here" while at the same time pointing at his grandson irl. He never ceases to amaze me.
As my family and the neighbors are all watching the NBA finals, my mom asks why Miami is doing badly, suddenly one of our neighbors, a small quiet Filipina, quickly ceases the her golden opportunity with this:
"Well it looks like they're losing their heat"
The groans were strong in our living room.
This one's mostly about a refusal to cease and desist the dad jokes -
"Imagine Congress authorizes the military to hold a nationwide bake sale because they need/knead the dough."
Crickets.
"I was sure that would get a rise out of you."
More crickets.
"OK, I'll stop, though I'm clearly on a roll."
While trying to catch the grandpa in law with a quick joke i heard in bad grandpa
What's the key to comedy? And before they say anything you interrupt with "timing" but good ol king of jokes grandpa yells "whiskey!" He never ceases to amaze me.
