My two year old was playing cars and blocks with my wife, when she (the toddler) put a block on the road on her city map carpet and said:

"Road Block"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jenniferwillow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My cat was just sick on the carpet,

I don’t think it’s feline well.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a good friend who wears clothes made of nothing but carpet.

Walter Wall.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My real estate agent lied.. he said my house had 1000 carpet area

I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there ..

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Magic carpet?
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LilliCherry
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œCan you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”

And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my carpenter not to carpet my steps.

He gave me a blank stair.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlaik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a tip for a horse in tomorrow’s big race, it’s won all its races, it’s called β€œdusty carpet”

It’s never been beaten.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elmachow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried flying on a magic carpet

It was a rugged experience

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honeygar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The first five florists I called today knew absolutely nothing about laying carpet or tile.

And suddenly I’m the idiot....

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the carpet lying around?

It was feeling a bit ruggish

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FurriesRGay14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do Mexican people put under their carpet?

Underlay, underlay!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YourCreepyGramps
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the Mexican carpet fitter say whenever he lays a new floor?

Underlay! Underlay!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EskimoJake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Napoleon was visiting a friend at his new estate. The friends great pride was his lavatory which was a big room with pottet plants, beautiful tapestries and carpets. When Napoleon saw this he was gobsmacked and exclaimed "What a loo!"
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/operasmurf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A young man worked at a carpet selling business

A young man worked at a carpet selling business and one day his boss came up to him and said:
"We have been impressed with how you sell the products. We're going to send you to a carpeting convention in Las Vegas so you can learn all the tricks of the trade. We will pay for your flights, accommodation, and all your food!"
The young man was excited and went and got ready for his trip. The day of the trip came and the young man's boss called and asked him if he was excited for his adventure to which the young man replied:
"Yes I am! I'm gonna seize the day because I've got a carpet per diem"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/esjay_
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My tailor kept yanking my pant leg til it dragged across the carpet.

"Bro, would you cut me some slack?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a Mexican carpet fitter usually shout as he's starting a new fit?

Underlay, underlay!!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redwolve378
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the carpet have no friends?

People just walked all over him.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_good_one877
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My cat just got sick on the carpet

Guess he’s not feline so good.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bighamsandw1tch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I caught my toddler peeing on the carpet

I politely asked him to piss off

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fab-_-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Aladdin banned from flying carpet racing! Sources say…

…for use of performance enhancing rugs…

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the carpet say to the floor?

I've got you covered.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SentientPotato42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is a carpet fitter so good at dancing?

He's always cutting the rug

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I hear that the Arctic Monkeys recently sold a Carpet to the current Real Madrid manager.

I bet that it looks good on Zidane's floor.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd tell you about my German Shepherd shedding in the carpet

But it's really just a doggy shag story.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkenTree
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a carpet’s favorite sport?

Rugby

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ayyyyysdf165
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an old carpet?

Rug-gedy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Neutering an animal makes it infertile. Making its hide into carpet squares makes it fur tile.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moothane
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What do spanish carpet fitters put under their carpets?

Underlay underlay!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kryptic_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad sees a dog in a car in-front of a furniture store: What a cute carpet.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kxrll
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the carpet of choice for Eskimos?

Brrr Brrr.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pgtart
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the best seller at the Mexican carpet store?

UNDERLAY, UNDERLAY!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dacs1306
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
If I owned a carpet store

I’d name it β€œCarpet Diem”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBungles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the mexican carpet layer tell his boss they need more of?

Underlay underlay!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/harrygarth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My real estate agent lied to me.. he said that my house had 1000 carpet area

I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs ..

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
The first five florists I called today knew absolutely nothing about laying carpet or tile.

And suddenly I’m the idiot.....

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat was just sick on the carpet.

I don't think she's feline well!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GibMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a Mexican have under his carpet?

Underlay underlay

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tombola201uk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Traveling on a magic carpet

Is a very rugged experience.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the carpet say to the floor

Hold it right there buddy I got you covered

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My cat has been throwing up all over my carpet lately.

I don't think it's feline well.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/harbinger12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
No carpet!

I told my contractor I didn't want carpet on the steps. He gave me a blank stair.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Proletariat_Smurf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My cat threw up on the carpet

I don’t think he’s feline well

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alexanderlch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican put under their carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a Mexican put under his carpet?

Underlay underlay!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dawgit11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My cat was sick on the carpet,

I don't think it's feline well

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jackojamison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican carpet seller yell to all his customers??

Underlay! Underlay!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I-think-Im-funny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report

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