A few years ago, my dad and I were building an addition onto his house. He rented a tool from the hardware store and had to return it, so he asked me to come with him and we would get some breakfast. There was a Burger King nearby, so we decided to stop there to eat.
When we go to the drive-through, we realize the restaurant was closed down, so he drove around the building to get back on the highway. As we were passing the dumpsters, he stopped the car, backed it up, and pointed towards the ground near the dumpster. I looked for a few seconds, trying to see what he was pointing at.
Then... I saw it.
It was a giant, 12+ inch black dildo, standing upright next to the dumpster. It propped itself up on its fake dildo balls, gently swaying in the breeze.
I was astonished. I couldn't even imagine what events in the universe had to line-up so as to end up with that giant dildo meticulously placed next to the dumpster at a closed-down Burger King. I couldn't even begin to fathom why it was there.
My dad, with perfect timing, then shouted "GAY TIMES WILL BE HAD TONIGHT!" and sped out of the parking lot.
We ended up going to Denny's.
He's this country's most notorious cereal killer
An invalid
I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!
Because it's all caps
He said it was acci-dental.
So yeah I got into a car accident during college and I wanted to commemorate that on my grad cap. My mom won't let me put my mri, "you should put something positive on your cap, not something negative" so yeah a back pun is the next best thing I could think of putting on there.
I can’t say the same for his felony.
I can't belive how bold he was
One Buck.
“You stay here, I’ll go on a-head.”
He looks at the peddler and goes, "wow, that guy really has a lot on his head!"
WASHING-TON
It’s ok, Toucan play that game.
Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
There's no Plate like Chrome for the Hollandaise.
A fungi
I thought he was pulling my leg, but when I asked him, he told me "Yeah man it's true, no cap."
My dad turns to me and says, "Oops, Premature Ecapulation."
Skipper of course.
I’m graduating with my Masters in MIS (Management Information Systems) and am seeking suggestions for punny graduation cap mottos or sayings that I could use related to my MIS Degree. Thanks!!
I’M NOT UPSET, BUT DON’T KNOW HOW TO SHOW IT.
It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.
