Do you know why are they called calves?

Because they are half a cow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taken-_-already
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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Where do prematurely born calves go to get care

ICMOO

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Someone told me to work my calves out because my legs were too small

I still don’t know how it was supposed to help, but my calves ran away.

I miss Luigi and Maria.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rant-rant-rant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Why do cows have strong legs? Cause they got them calves
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffinedude
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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As a mafia hitman, my story of a successful mission I was assigned--which had me assassinate a decade of mob bosses--usually started as similarly sounding like the layman's term of the fibrous tissue along the calves and heels...

"I killed these ten Dons..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MabalsaRitchie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Vegetarians claim to want nothing to do with meat but every day they walk around on two calves.
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snowdaruma
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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I was working out my calves at the gym today.

The instructor said, "How the hell did you bring the cows here?"

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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My dad refuses to eat calve's liver.

It makes him veal offal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paracog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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Wife: My calves are achin'

Wife: My calves are achin' Me: Maybe you should drink some milk... Wife: WTF, why? Me: Maybe they're just hungry...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jscolorado
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
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Why was the farmer arrested at the gym ?

He was destroying his calves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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I just walked 5 miles, and boy...

... are my calves mooing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Why is the dairy cow so confident wearing shorts?

Because she had a nice pair of calves.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HueyLameass
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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What's a cavern?

Depends on the calves job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wage_slave
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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Bovine Giganticus.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fawaffle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Came home late last night to find cows loitering in my front yard

A small group of calves were munching on my front flower beds, and mooving slowly towards the woods. Thought about calling the cops to report a bunch of mooligans, but I didn't really have a beef with them. Haven't seen hide nor hair of them since!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/booknerdgirl4ever
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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After dinner, mom cow walks into the living room

to see her two calves watching tv, she grabs the remote, turns it off and says β€œokay you two. time to hit the hay, it’s pasture bedtime.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devtompoint
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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Why did the bow legged cowboy get fired?

Because he couldn't keep his calves together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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One of my cows had a calf today.

Now she's de-calf-enated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyquill81
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
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I'm a street performer at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival. I tell punny jokes there, thought you'd enjoy them.

The King is in love with the Spanish Armada, in fact you could say he warships it.

I got into a fight with a group of jesters, I escaped by going for the juggler.

I recently read "Gulliver's Travels" it was a Swift read.

Have you read the book about traveling through hell? It's a Dante-ing read.

Q: How many animals can you fight into the Lord High Sheriff's tights? A: Ten piggies, two calves, a rooster and an ass.

Vikings raided the royal cheese supply, they left nothing behind but de Brie.

I met a wizard, I told him he looked like a mana action.

The unskilled mason forget to put a water supply in the new castle. He did not keep well.

The angry archer was so surly he had everyone convinced he was a cross bowman.

The failed stone cutter also lost his job as a bounty hunter. He could never find his quarry.

The nun kept spilling sacramental wine on herself. She made a bad habit of it.

The pope enjoys chocolate on his boat. He like sailing indulgences.

The pope loves summer, they say he is infallible.

Two fae fell in love. They keep fauning over each other.

The knight suffered from boils, he had to get them lanced.

Why did the wood nymph use some much lotion? Because she had dryad skin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbdekker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2016
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Why don't cows skip leg day?

To keep their calves strong

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Praescius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
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What do you call two embarrassing things that happen at the same time?

A cowincedence. Ha... hahaha... hahaaaaa I'm sorry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCS117
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2017
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I was in class and another student told our teacher about how a lightning strike killed over a dozen cows grouped together during a thunderstorm.

My response "I bet his calves were sore after that one"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kvekva
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2017
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Doing yoga with the fiancΓ©...

and I've done a bit of research so I was describing how to begin:

I said, "sit in a comfortable position, pay attention to breathing. Relax your calves, then your thighs, then your feet..."

She said, "hold on, shouldn't we start with feet first then move up to calves, then thighs and so on? Why are you starting with calves?"

I said, "we start with the calves because they're sacred in India."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TapTapBam
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2017
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What part of your body produces the most milk?

The calves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrientalCarpet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2015
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I feel like a father figure to my co-workers

I bike up and down a very large hill to get to work every morning

Co-worker: "You're going to have huge calves by the end of the summer!"

Me: "Yeah, they'll be so big they will probably be cows!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TCBear
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2016
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I got dad joked by my manager on the dairy farm I work at

It was a busy day we had a whole bunch baby cows born today and our calve pens are now completely full:

Me: If we get any more calves this barn is going to turn into a mad house...

Manager: Yea any more babies and it will be complete and udder madness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickster790
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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My 12 year old daughter started a dad joke chain, and I finished it.

Background: I have the names and birth dates of each of my two daughters on my calves. 12 year old on the right, 8 year old in the left.

Today, my eldest was looking at my tats and said to the babysitter, "Well, I guess I'm 'all right' with dad!".

The baby sitter said something to the effect of, "That's silly."

So I looked at my daughter, winked and said to the babysitter, "Well, she is right."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fitzlurker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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My neighbor was telling stories

He mentioned his wife's sister, who grew up on a farm, was kicked out of FFA (Future Farmers of America).

"How?"

"She couldn't keep her calves together."

The collective groaning was incredible.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcahoon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2014
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