What did the pirate say in regards to his steering wheel belt buckle??

"It's driving me nuts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cordur-Oy-Jones
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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My wife didn’t like my idea to market a line of belts with little clocks built into the buckle.

She said it was a waist of time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DingoWelsch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I tried attaching my watch to my belt buckle

I then realized it was a waist of time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whymustudodat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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I was thinking of buying a belt with a clock for the buckle

But I figured it would be a waist of time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/36chambersoffun
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his belt buckle.

Barkeep looks over, and says β€œPirate, doesn’t that steering wheel get in the way?”

Pirate says β€œYarr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoundCloudster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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My girlfriend should learn to buckle up when she gets in a head on collision with my dadjokes.

My girlfriend was shopping for a new vehicle when she messaged me and said, "I can't find a standard to test drive. It saddens me."

To which I replied, "You mean it sedans you?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrizztDoUrdenZ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2014
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Wedding Dad Jokes, buckle-up

So I'm not a dad but I do have fatherly aspirations. I told this joke at a wedding for a friend of mine. All names have changed except the bride's last name- it's a big part of the joke. My buddy we'll call Bob Smith, and his bride is Jane Patton.

After the father of the bride gives his toast, and the best man does his, I grab the mike from the best man and begin. This is as verbatim as I can remember. So I intro myself and promise to keep my comment short and say,

"Bob, I just want to say you're a great friend of mine, like a brother, and one thing I love about you is you're always surprising me. Like today for instance, I didn't know you were an inventor. Lo and behold, you've got your name on a Patton!"

Chuckles, drowned out by groans. I apologize and return to my seat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daniffer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
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Everyone tells me that I'm the king of dad jokes. Here's one...

One.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YellowB
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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I was having trouble getting our kid buckled into a new carseat...

Then it clicked

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I've got a black belt!

I like it, leather with a nice buckle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzy-chin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Why Do Pilgrim's Pants Always Fall Down?

Because There Buckles Are On There Hats!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barbetto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I lost my belt so I tried buckling all my watches together and using that.

It was a waist of time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthPoppyCock
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2014
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I couldn't figure out how to fasten my seat belt.

Then it clicked

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmy_rickar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Why does Orion’s belt only have three stars?

Well, some of the reviews say it’s just a waist of space

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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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Accidentally put it in the wrong hole. Had problems while walking. πŸ˜”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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Every Girl...

My buddy Dan hated this picture.

I told him he had it wrong, because....

https://preview.redd.it/a8938op039o31.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b1efb0347ef57317f3ca2ca41199518c677207bb

.... "Every Girl Crazy 'bout a Shark Dress, Man !"

(spins guitar on belt buckle)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zman4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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My belt snapped when I bent over to pick something up.

It buckled under all the pressure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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What do ghosts do to avoid dying in car crashes?

They buckle their sheet belts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cool-kid103
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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What did the Italian astronaut say during an emergency reentry?

Okay buckle in guys were pasta point of no return

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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Things that will kill you...

On a road trip, so we are playing "the alphabet game." We pick a topic, then take turns going up the alphabet until someone gets stuck.

Topic is "things that will kill you."

M.... "megalodon" says the average 10yo boy

N.... "not buckling up" says the cautious 14 yo daughter

O.... "ONOMATOPOEIA!" Shouts the unconventional 12yo girl. "Bam! Pow! Boom!"

We have a winner!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunstoned1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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I don't like to wear my seatbelt in the car but after a lot of pressure from my family...

I buckled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGoatYouLove
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
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Why did the Pilgrims’ pants keep falling down?

Because their belt buckles were on their hats!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoulOfCthulhu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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If you're giving any type of big speech or presentation, you should undo your belt

that way people know you don't buckle under pressure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HardlyNetworking
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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4 years old daughters Dad joke.

We are pulling out of the parking lot when my wife asks our daughter " Are you buckled?" At which she replied " I'm not buckle, I'm Genevieve"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdroke
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2015
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If Starbucks comes out with a line of belts...

They can call them "Star-Buckles"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chezni19
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2016
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Dad hit me with this one in the car

Dad: Are you buckled in?

Me: Si.

Dad: I can't see, that's why I asked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phteven_j
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2015
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his belt buckle.

Bartender: Do you mind if I ask why you have a steering wheel on your belt buckle? Pirate: Arrrrg, it’s drivin’ me nuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidwayland
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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I glued my watch to my belt buckle...

Now I can't read it. What a waist of time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxdemonkid13xx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt buckle.

The bartender says: β€œDoesn’t that hurt?” The pirate replies: β€œArrgh, it’s driving me nuts”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tricky_Pete
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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A pirate walks into a bar wearing a ships wheel belt buckle

The bartender asks: Hey Pirate, how do you like your belt buckle?

The pirate replies: Arr, it's drivin me nuts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elseebee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
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What do you call a belt buckle with a watch on it?

A waist of time

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CChenalds17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2017
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