Reddit pun thread
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FumingOstrich35
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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Why is it so hard to understand mothers who use overly bright decorations?

Too much MUMbling

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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My blonde girlfriend isn't all that bright.

She thinks Cheerios are tiny donut seeds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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1986, The Chernobyl reactor exploded, releasing a bright, radioactive beam into the sky. People in towns away stared at it in awe.

They must've thought that it was pretty rad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackKnightiscool
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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I'm so bright

My dad calls me son

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tool_Time_Tim
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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I squint at the sun because its bright...

......but, I squint at some coworkers, because they aren't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.

All of his friends called him plain stupid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyArmy2019
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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His Sun isn't so bright...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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More (mediocre) OC in honor of a woman who lived a bright and colorful life. We will miss you, RBG.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeeveryoneup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoppingMusic21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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In the store I saw some brightly coloured greeting cards that said, "I will always love only you "

They sold them in packs of 12.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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How many fire flies does it took too screw in a light bulb?

No one knows exactly, but it takes a lot. They aren't that bright.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobbert84
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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I could tell this guy is feeling a little lightheaded.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anathex_Adv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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The sun is hot, and bright... I look up to the sun. :)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatLilChara2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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My coworkers are like christmas lights,

Half of them dont work and the other half arent that bright.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poshnoshlosh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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Your Chinese restaurant is too bright...

...maybe you should dimsum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/risanthy
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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When I was young, I was extremely bright.

Because of this, my dad called me "sun."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilentTempestLord
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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I dig it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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What happens to nitrogen when it's bright outside?

It becomes daytrogen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaRealEnderguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?

Knee on yellow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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What animal is bright?

A lamb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bomber31
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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BREAKING NEWS The M6 has become blocked after a truck shed its load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes...

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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I saw it all said the blind man,

To his deaf wife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastiff_Speed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.

After the first three, it was a D-light.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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They ain't very bright
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πŸ‘€︎ u/papa_papito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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I'm too bright to be illuminati

I've seen the light.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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The lights in the Chinese restaurant were too bright

so I asked if they could dim sum.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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I like to keep a photo of the Sun on my phone. When people ask me if I have any kids, I start telling 'em about my son and how bright he is. I then pull out the phone to show them the photo.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimothyHalpern
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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I expect a reaction from you all.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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My friend today is intentionally staring at the sun to cause eye damage.

Look on the bright side, today will be the last time he sees 2020....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RasberryOnline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Bright
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SSKNlabs_97
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen

He was delighted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Look On The Bright Side
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterLauris
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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Many years ago there was a vicious viking named RΓΌdoff.

RΓΌdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "RΓΌdoff det rΓΈde", meaning "the red".

After years of wars, and regular battles, RΓΌdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.

One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but RΓΌdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars

"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.

He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:

RΓΌdoff The Red knows rain, dear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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If you're meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time, always wear a bright long-sleeved shirt, gloves and shorts.

You want them to think you're a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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My dog is not very bright.

He filed my taxes late again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarateChop231
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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The stars are bright

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hyperbattleship
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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I was in my kitchen and my cousin went next to me as I was looking at the brownies, placed a fork and said fork u. + to add on to this as I was trying to take this photo the brightness wasn’t working properly so my dad’s girlfriend goes β€œguess you could say it’s forked”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Weewoman11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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I’m so bright my daddy calls me son.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phrygianhalfcad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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I'm so bright

My dad calls me son

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Barl_jalgruuf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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The local motorway has become blocked after a lorry shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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