what do you call a dog breed bred to hear really well?
corn bread
*this was a pun i made a while ago to see how many puns i could fit in a short joke.
I expect that'll come back to bite me.
They loaf around.
The air is clean and the neigh-bors are pretty cool.
I liked him ar first, but soon got tired of his ant ticks.
A club sandwich
I told him to be careful or he'd be toast.
We named the puppy, Bullshit.
It's because they are ice-o-lated.
It's probably my fault because he's pure bred (pure bread).
I recently spent $46,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ...but they kind of taste like peppermint.
The man says to a zookeeper "Why's that in there?" and the zookeeper says "What do you mean? It's bread in captivity. "
But I only bred crumbs
French bread (bred)!
Guess that's what we get for buying a pure bread dog...
I thought it could be bred!
"Bred any good rooks lately?"
A ginger bred man
Not much has changed though, he’s still a ginger-bred man.
Would that make my offspring ginger-bred?
the child could technically be considered ginger-bred.
Ginger-bred!
And both your parents were gingers, does that make you a ginger-bred man?
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure-bred
Once, there was a young woman who wanted to do a little psychological experiment. So she carefully bred cherry trees to bloom in multiple colors, and arranged to have them planted such that the trees of one color would spell out the name of some other color. You know, to test the Stroop effect.
However, the instructions (which were, admittedly, odd) weren't transmitted to the workers (all starving underpaid grad students) effectively, so the groups of various colored cherry trees were planted such that the colors matched the names, completely invalidating her experiment.
She's now the Stroop drupe group blooper girl, Stroop drupe blooper girl, Stroop drupe blooper girl...
She now focuses on Anglo-Saxon royalty.
Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...
- “I used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
- “I once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
- “I was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
- “I thought about being a witch for a spell.”
- “I tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
- “I was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
- “For awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
- “I once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
- “I tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
- “More recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
- “Heck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”
...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”
Asks the Baker the Pinguïn : 'Hello do you want white or brown bred?' Upon which the Pinguïn says:' Doesn't matter, because I'm on the bike'
My in-laws were over for dinner last night. Afterwards, they headed downstairs to leave, so I asked my father in law if they needed help getting to the car. He replied,
"Oh, we're not leaving yet, I'm going to take a leak."
"OK, well just make sure to bring it back when you're done."
But karma is a bitch. This morning in the car, the kids (6 and 7) asked me which two Pokemon bred to create all the other Pokemon. Their answer was "Mew and Ossarius(????)" I couldn't understand the second word, so I asked them several times.
"Is it Ossarius?" I ask.
"No. Mossatrius," says the 7 year old.
"Mossarius?"
"No. Ossarvius," he says again (the same word, I just can't understand it.)
"Is is Ossarius or Ossarvius?"
"Neither," says the 6 year old.
"Say it again?" I ask.
"Neither," says the 6 year old again, wondering what's wrong with his dad.
And my Dad was there. My friend was being jokingly mean to me and I said "I thought you were better bred."
My dad said "I thought she was a human, not bread."
We both moaned
We were talking about in-breeding, and my friend who is an archaeologist was saying how we're all in-bred in some sense of the word because of a debated small group of people leaving Africa a debated amount of time ago produced most of the western world (or possibly didn't).
I watched on, waiting for the end of the conversation to say "Whatever... you're all in-bred but I'm in pizza"
The groans were instantaneous.
(Bonus: also a few days ago we were ordering indian and my friend was gonna get chicken korma but I warned him "Korma's a bitch".)
I expect that'll come back to bite me.
I betcha that will come back to bite me
I guess that's what I get for having a pure bred dog
The child could technically be considered ginger -bred
