My favorite colors are red, green, and blue.

They are the only colors I see.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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TIL the color magenta doesn't exist, it is your brain trying to make sense of your red and blue cones activating while the green is inactive.

Turns out, it's a pigment of your imagination

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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If a red house is made of red bricks and a blue house is made of blue bricks, then what is a green house made of?

Glass

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kortbug2000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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What's green and smells like blue paint?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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The fact that everything we see in monitors is made up of only red, green and blue is amazing. I suppose you could say...

They RGBees knees

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spudzzy03
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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If Green = Spring, Red = Summer, Orange = Autumn, and Blue = Winter, which colour is the wettest?

The Spring-colour.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravisandesu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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I saw a lizard with angry red skin. It then turned orange! Then it turned yellow. Then green. Then blue. Then indigo, until it finally became a relaxing shade of violet.

Calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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1. Blue plastic bucket for watering, car-washing, etc. 2. Red plastic bucket for mopping floors, cleanup from painting, plumbing disasters. 3. Green metal pail for compostable table scraps.

...and that's my Bucket List.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
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I accidentally ate some food coloring today.

The doctor says I’m fine but I feel like I dyed a little inside.

πŸ‘︎ 293
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cryvee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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What's blue and doesn't weigh very much?

Light Blue

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keegan-Gin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…

He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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What’s blue and not heavy

Light blue

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SximplyAJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Color Blind

I have recently been diagnosed with color blindness. It really came out of the purple.

Don’t hurt me.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/420_coolguy_69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Proud dad moment

Today I held up three colored balls in my hand. One red, one green, and one blue. My 1yr old son (after much debate) chose the red one. I’ve never been so proud. He has earned the right to play with my old game boy now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Engineer_7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Credit goes to Puns on Facebook. I am partly colour blind and this is f’in funny!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Good_Alibi
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
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Being colourblind is hard ._.
πŸ‘︎ 480
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NemotheChibi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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What do this joke and taking a sip of food coloring have in common?

They'll both make you dye a little on the inside.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahwitz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
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Was painting with the Mrs. last night and...

...she told me that we didn't have a color we needed.

So this morning I said "I had a dream last night that I found that color for you, but when I woke up I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination."

Got a groan from her, mission accomplished.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Richard_Punch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
🚨︎ report
An amateur Irish Electrician

Green to Earth

Brown to Live

Blue to Bits

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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The little blue man

A little blue man finds a little yellow string and doesnt know what it's for so he goes into his little blue bedroom and asks his little blue wife what it's for. She says she doesnt know and that he should ask the little red man.

So he goes out his little blue bedroom down his little blue stairs, down the little blue hallway, out the little blue door, down the little blue path, out the little blue gate down the little blue path and out the little blue village. Into the little red village, up the little red road, though the little red gate, up the little red path, though the little red door up the little red hallway and into the little red living room and asked the little red man "do you know what this little yellow string is for" and he replied "no clue go ask the little green man"

So he goes out the little red living room, down the little red hallway, out the little red door, down the little red path, out the little red gate down the little red path and out the little red village. Into the little green village, up the little green road, though the little green gate, up the little green path, though the little green door up the little green hallway and into the little green living room and asked the little green man "do you know what this little yellow string is for" and he replied "no clue go ask the little brown man"

So he goes out the little green living room, down the little green hallway, out the little green door, down the little green path, out the little green gate down the little green path and out the little green village. Into the little brown village, up the little brown road, though the little brown gate, up the little brown path, though the little brown door up the little brown hallway and into the little brown living room and asked the little brown man "do you know what this little yellow string is for" and he replied "no clue go ask the little yellow man"

So he goes out the little brown living room, down the little brown hallway, out the little brown door, down the little brown path, out the little brown gate down the little brown path and out the little brown village. Into the little yellow village, up the little yellow road, though the little yellow gate, up the little yellow path, though the little yellow door up the little yellow hallway and into the little yellow living room and asked the little yellow man "do you know what this little yellow string is for" and he replied " yeah when you get home pull it for a suprise"

So he g

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nagyourtoe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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A teacher asked her class..

A teacher asked her class to use the word "definitely" in a sentence. "The sky is definitely blue." said one girl. The teacher responded, "The sky can also be black or red or even pink." Another kid raised his hand, "The grass is definitely green." The grass could also be brown." Then little Johnny raised his hand. "Yes Johnny." "Are farts solid?" The teacher taken aback by his question answers anyways, "No Johnny but how is that relavent?" "Well I definitely pooped my pants!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StickOfButter24
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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Classic chain of dadjokes (no puns:

What animal can fly and eats stones? the flying stone eater.

How does an elephant come out of a river? Wet.

How do you stuff a giraffe inside a fridge? You open the fridge door, you put the giraffe inside and you close the fridge door.

How long does it take for a rock from the top of the Eiffel tower to fall to the ground? It doesn't, because the flying stone eater eats it.

What's green and smells like blue paint? Green paint.

What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge.

What's white on the outside, yellow on the inside, and can't climb trees? The fridge with the giraffe inside.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

What's green, 40 feet long and hangs from trees? Elephant snot.

What's wet and has wheels? The elephant from the river, I lied about the wheels.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dronelisk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2016
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Listening to the radio, my eldest asks: β€œWhat’s green energy?”

β€œWell see, you take blue energy and yellow energy and mix them together…”

And then my youngest adds in β€œYea, yellow and blue make green!”

Eldest was unsatisfied with that answer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SednaBoo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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Shirts and ties

Just got back from shopping for new work clothes with my girlfriend. She picked out two button-down shirts for me to consider. The first was a blue-green color. I told her it wouldn't work because it doesn't match most of my ties.

The second shirt was solid gray. "You could wear a lot of your ties with this color," she said.

"True," I said. "But wearing more than one would look kind of silly."

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacecatapult
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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Help needed for a colour pun

I'm currently developing a game for my studies based on the old windows Game Pipe Dream (or Pipe Mania). It is two player and competitive where each player works for one of two rival companies. The game has a steampunk theme and each company is represented by a different colour. Green is Greenpunk Industries. I need your help, pun masters of reddit, in coming up with a pun for the Blue company.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeTraveller264
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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Daughter was asking about planets....

... she asked me, "are any hot?"

I said, "Yes, Mercury and Venus are hot because they are so close to the sun."

She asked, "Are any cold?"

"Yes, the ones outside our orbit are cold. Mars, Jupiter and so on."

"What color are they?", she asked...

"Well, the Earth is blue and green, Mars is red because of iron, Jupiter has a cool red spot..."

"What color is Uranus?"

.... .... ....

"It's brown, and very windy."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheContrarian2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
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I got my fiancee the other day when we were driving by the peace bridge.

The bridge was lit with green and red lights for Christmas. She said "they should've made it blue and white for Hanukkah", so I responded "well Hanukkah always gets passed over".

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hersheysquirts101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2015
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My mate got me with this last night

We were shopping in the supermarket and he said that we needed milk.

>What colour milk meaning green lid for semi-skimmed, blue for whole milk

>White

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DivinePrinterGod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2016
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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Dad dropped this bomb at dinner

My mom, sister, and myself are all blonde with blue eyes, but my dad has black hair and green eyes. While discussing our coloring he dropped this on us. My mom-"you're so lucky. With your coloring you can wear nice oranges when we can't." My Dad-"Wouldn't oranges be awful heavy as clothing?" My mom-"just stop."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tearsinmyweave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2014
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My dad would always throw this one out years ago

I would be listening to Dookie by Green Day

"Hey son, what are you listening to? BLUE SKY?!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miiiich
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
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Why did yellow divorce red?

Because red blue green

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Madmonkey45
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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I drank some food coloring by accident...

I feel like I dyed a little inside.

πŸ‘︎ 577
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
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Why was Yellow jealous of Red?

Because Red Blue Green.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fright01
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report

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