No key and The Bandit.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?

They had nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ycarusbog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Have you heard of the underwater google bandit?

They can’t find him because victims are only giving vague descriptions.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obscure_Things
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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What did the aluminum bandits say when they were caught?

We've been foiled.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xj3ewok
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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Bandit like Beckham
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeiledEmoter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.

The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.

It was a ham bush

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MafiaCub
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Did you hear about the sheep riding bandit?

They say he's still on the lamb

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HighPressureH2O
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.

Piracy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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Have you heard about the one-armed bandit? ...

He has already robbed five banks single-handedly.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
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Did you hear about the aluminum bandit?

The police just foiled his plans.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keauxbi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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This may be a crazy idea, but I think we'll make out like bandits. Gear up boys. We're robbing that train!

That's one loco motive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpunkBunkers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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What do you call a preppy bandit on an escelator?

A condescending con descending.

My friend Brittany told me that, I'm still chuckling at it.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tashdacat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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What did they call the Mexican-Arab slot machine?

The Juan Ahmed bandit

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlcjoe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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what did the school staff do when a student wore a shirt with a picture of a robber?

they bandit

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spycrabpuppet123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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A boy leaned over to steal a kiss from his girl, but she was leaning over to steal a kiss at the same time.

They both made out like bandits.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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If you want some historical examples of excellent kissers, look at Bonnie and Clyde.

They made out like bandits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fight in the biscuit tin?

The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon, and made his breakaway in a taxi, escaping along the rocky road to mars, the milky way, and the Galaxy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadgerEatCheese
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why stealing is illegal?

Because they bandit

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dagusiu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of musicians who stole all their instruments?

Bandits.

πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fwafy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Old Robinhood

In a village just outside Sherwood Forest lived Old Robinhood, he had lived a very exciting life with his band of merry men, and his cause of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor and had a fantastic time doing it. He even had a sign outside his door that said, Robinhood, Bandit - but somehow the law never seemed to have noticed and he had lived in plain sight, doing good deeds, giving away money anonymously and living for the cause.

But now age had started to catch up and not being as nimble as he once was close escapes had started to get uncomfortably close. So he decided to retire and hand over the leadership of his band to his son.

So, Robin called his son over to him and said, β€˜Son, I want you to take over from me as leader of the merry men. Steal and pillage all you want, but never forget the cause - we only take from the rich to give to the poor’.

β€˜Father, I will do as you say’ said Robin’s son whose name was Robinson, β€˜but tell me one thing, why do you stay anonymous when giving money away?

Why not let people know of your good deeds - you have a sign outside that says bandit and you’ve never been caught, why not add the cause to the sign and say β€˜Robinhood, Bandit, steals from the rich to give to the poor’?

β€˜Fool, screamed Robin, if you put the cause over the sign then you will get caught’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yakapuka11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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My wife and I stole a bunch of costumes from the sex store

We made out like bandits

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BearGuru
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
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Bonnie and Clyde got a great deal at the kissing booth.

They made out like bandits.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jasekj919
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
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My co-worker dumped a small box of rubber bands looking for a paper clip. My other co-worker comes into the office and asks what happened to the rubber bands.

I responded with "It must have been that darn rubber bandit again!" That was my first really quick dad joker that I actually got complimented on!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ralyks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
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