Shes still not talking to me
It’s been a week now and she’s still not talking to me.
The gardener asks what type of flowers they are putting in. His partner says, “We are planting Sneezeweed, Bee Balm, Lamb’s Ears, and Black-eyed Susans because they are the best perennials for the Pacific Northwest region.”
The gardener nodded in agreement, “You have been a wonderful addition. Thank you for bringing your knowledge and experience to the garden.”
“It has been a pleasure! Say, can you help me with this? I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I keep trying to lay this sod down, but I can’t get it to lay flat,” he confessed.
The gardener observed his partner as he attempted to lay down the sheet of grass, and came to a helpful conclusion.
The gardener explained, “Well, you are standing up and need to get closer to the ground. Kneel before sod.”
And put it on my bill
Chemist says, "Sure, that'll be 95 cents!"
Duck: "Put it on my bill please."
But I couldn't complain
She still isn’t talking to me
PS. This is a cross post from r/ShittyLifeProTips
Me: 'Aww, are your lovely lips feelin' like cowboy hips?'
her: '...What?'
Me: '.... Chapped?'
A result of using lip balm
The balm.
Edit: My wife's response:
"God you're such a dork."
Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!
need upvotes pls
Dad: because it’s the balm!
Tonight my family goes out for Chinese. Its winter. My mom drops lip-balm mid-use and cannot find it. "Can anyone see my chapstick?" she asks. "You can use mine!" says dad with a shit-eating grin on his face and a chopstick in his hand.
So my daughter is sick and has been taking antibiotics for the past week. These antibiotics cause some unwanted side effects (unholy diarrhea) that require us to put a paste on her butt that keeps it from getting chapped. This lead to the following brief exchange between my wife and I:
(While she was changing an explosive diaper)
Her: Have you seen the butt balm?
Me: Yeah, it's right there in her diaper...
You are the balm!
She is still not speaking to me.
She’s still not talking to me.
It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.
She's still not talking to me...
I have her super glue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me!
It's been a week and she's still not talking to me
And asks the cashier to put it on his bill
