What's the difference between swine flu and avian influenza?

One requires oinkment, the other requires tweetment.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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What do you call a scientist who studies avian sexuality?

A Hornithologist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/melonwheel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Why can't non-avian dinosaurs clap?

they are dead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kloodge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Did you hear that the Pope has the avian bird flu?

He got it from one of the cardinals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clitbeastwood
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2016
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Why can’t an aquatic predator and an avian predator team up to fight crime?

Because that would be eel-eagle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BearGuru
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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Drug dealings in the avian world. reddit.com/r/birdswitharm…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Biz_Ascot_Junco
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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What does the avian aristocracy call the lower classes? obviologistpuns.tumblr.co…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/obviologist
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2016
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What's the difference between treatment of Avian Flu and treatment of Swine Flu?

Birds get tweetment and pigs get oinkment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/girthanthiclopse
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
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How do you call the ghost of a chicken?

A poultrygeist

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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What's a chicken's favorite musician?

Bach

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Why don't chickens wear underwear?

Because their peckers are on their faces.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Found this on r/birdswitharms, thought it belonged here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flyingwindows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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My dad just sent me this one...

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilaregenbogen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
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If a Swedish robot analyzes a bird

It's scanned an avian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FookinGumby
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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I'm a Dad, and this is my joke...

Did you hear about the Martian Avian vet?

I guess he's an "ill-eagle" alien...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/illiteret
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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What's the difference between Avian Flu and Swine Flu?

One needs tweetment and the other needs oinkment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows in the Greater Boston area recently.

There was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu. An avian pathologist examined the remains of the crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not avian flu. The cause of death was vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the birds beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that nearly 96% of the crows had been struck by trucks, while only 4% were car impacts.

The MTA then hired an Ornithological Behavourist to determine the reason for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills vs car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat roadkill, they have a look-out crow nearby to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah!", none could shout "Truck!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisissami
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
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Dad just sent me this. I buried my face in my hands.

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slidewriter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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Dad just emailed me this article about a crow problem in Boston

CROW KILLS

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck." Absolutely amazing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dysenterygary69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
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If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird

It's scanned an avian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FookinGumby
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2015
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Just got this in an email from my dad.

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

Amazing!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mathliability
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
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