Alright, hoo boy, chapter two. here we go, I want to give thanks to u/tigra21 as well as everyone helping me in the discord for giving me the chance to write the backstory of a character in his hfy, Hunter or Huntress. I hope chapter two will be as good, or better than chapter 1. there is more to come for sure.
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Laere found the quiet pitter patter of the rain calming. After the thunderstorm which woke several of the children, he enjoyed the calm continual white noise while he finished his nightly duties. The short man plunged the mop back into a bucket of murky water and leaned it against the wall. He pushed open the kitchen door and picked up a broom, beginning to sweep the main room of the orphanage.
Gently, he lifted up the tail of the sleeping Mother Dorae to sweep under her rocking chair. When he started sweeping around the table in the center of the room there was the distinct thud of a child getting out of bed. Laere’s eyes began shimmering with a pale green hue as he used his gift to see in the dark. A little dragonette girl stood in the doorway to the girls bedroom.
“Alua”, he said with a disappointed tone, “What are you doing up again, we just got you all back to sleep.”
The skinny young girl looked up at him timidly, “I have to go to the bathroom.”
Laere hung his head and sighed, “Okay, I'll go get the umbrella. Come on”. The little girl dashed over to the front door, clumsily allowing her claws to scrape loudly along the floor. The young adult snapped around and put a finger to his mouth, “Shhh! Everyone else is sleeping, you don’t wanna wake them, do you?” gasping, she shook her head silently while swaying at the front door waiting for him to grab the umbrella.
Taking long careful strides over the wet floor he entered the kitchen and opened a wash closet. After withdrawing an umbrella from a bucket He quickly made his way to the front door and picked up the small girl. She wrapped an arm around his back and over his shoulder.
After quietly closing the door behind him, he held up the umbrella it’s wooden handle had mother Dora
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
I became an Aunt when I was 11, it’s been a huge part of my identity since. In Indigenous culture, Aunties are like second Mother’s and revered. I’m more like the reliable but weird Aunt.
I first had to take my nephews (legally) in 2015. As someone with no kids of my own and single, it was a huge change. I was also caring for my Father and he helped me a lot. It helped that they were all over 10 by then. My Father died in November 2019.
Their Mother (my sister) has been an unreliable figure in their lives. My three nephews became big brothers to a baby sister at 13, 17 and 21. Their Mother was stable for about 2 years and then we started to see old patterns return. Their Father died in 2014, no big loss as he wasn’t the best Father. But, still their Father.
My sister suffered a massive breakdown in 2020. My nephew and his partner took over duties caring for my niece and she has a happy life. I took the two younger boys and moved them in to my apartment.
I couldn’t ask for better kids, both love school, don’t drink or do drugs. Just like having friends and playing video games. They are well mannered and polite, I got really lucky in that way. I suppose as I am approaching my 40s that I will not have kids of my own and in someways, they are my kids. I don’t feel a sense of panic because I have watched these kids grow up and I consider myself very lucky.
Which brings me to Saturday. I am on sick leave myself awaiting surgery for a fibroid and my sleeping pattern is off so I slept in. The phone vibrating must have brought me out of sleep because I looked and saw several missed calls from my building manager. I called back and she told me my youngest nephew had a seizure in the elevator and he just been taken to hospital via ambulance. I felt my knees buckle. It was the last thing I was expecting. He never had a seizure before and is healthy.
I ran out of the apartment and got to the hospital in 5 minutes and found him on his phone, alert and coherent. I never felt such relief in my life before. But, my mind started asking what caused this seizure?
The Doctors took it extremely seriously and he was brought into CT scan within an hour. What they found was an Arnold Chiari Malformation, but they explained that it was likely there since birth and not something that usually causes seizures. He was held overnight and released the next evening.
He’s 17 and he’s faced so much trauma in his short life and I am terrified for him. Part of me never wants to let
... keep reading on reddit ➡
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
hi!! i’m 17 and have been diagnosed with premature ovarian failure since 15, so not too long ago. I had never gotten my period and was still completely flat chested, but my mum and i just assumed i was a bit of a late bloomer. We went to the doctors regarding my anxiety, my doctor asked if my anxiety is present more when i’m on my period. Of course, not having gotten my period yet, i said no and told her. She did a few blood tests on me regarding different things, and i think one of them was to measure my oestrogen levels. The results came back and she sent me to a highly rated ob/gyn who instantly told us that i had premature ovarian failure. She didn’t examine me or anything, the blood test must’ve been very definitive! at first i thought she said cancer so i was so upset, but after she explained it more i was fine. She said i wouldn’t be able to have kids and i was really happy to learn that news. I’ve never liked kids and have always seen myself as being the cool aunty when i’m older. She obviously explained that with my diagnosis comes other risks and health issues that i would have to keep an eye on forever, like my bone health. Since then, i’ve been on the pill to give my body the oestrogen it needs, i’ll have ti be on it forever! I’ve never really been upset about having premature ovarian failure and i always make jokes about it, but i feel guilty for not being even slightly upset. If anyone wants to chat about their experience with having premature ovarian failure i’m happy to be the person you vent to!
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
And boy are my arms legs.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
I won't be doing that today!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
[Removed]
There hasn't been a post all year!
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
And then shook his arm really fast.
(True story, please groan with me.)
When I got home, they were still there.
