Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What's the most common form of Owl on Owl attack?
I would like to see a heart attack
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...
... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.
Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.
To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.
It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
My evil clone is trying to attack me.
But I probably shouldn’t beat myself up over it.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him is that a Fret!
Dad has a heart attack
Dad:has a heart attack
Dad:Call me an ambulance...
Son: uhhh... You're an ambulance....
Dad:....
Dad: That's my boy...dead
The police were under heavy attack of the flies
They had to call the SWAT team!
Why do the lion not attack the farm?
He was a little bit sheepish.
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
Why did the Soviet Union not attack Germany right away?
My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said “that gave me a heart attack!”
I told him “actually that was a stroke”
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift
Because she had bad blood
“Due to the rising number of dolphin attacks, we’ve had to outlaw any overnight camping on the beach.”
“We hope the new rule will help, for all in tents and porpoises.”
My Doctor has me on a diet to help epilepic attacks...
Mainly spasmati rice and seizure salads...
Statistically, you are more likely to be killed by a donkey than by a terrorist attack.
TIL there was once a nation whose Navy could only attack when the enemy was behind them.
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack.
I was reading a history book, and apparently in the middle east there were hundreds of years where nocturnal predator birds used to fly around and ejaculate all over the place. The Arabic people would keep each other up to date on the latest attacks; and so marked the beginning of...
When’s the worst time to have a heart attack?
During a game of cherades
Why did US army attack turkey?
Because it was Thanksgiving.
My mom was having a panic attack and wanted to leave
But I told her “Nah ma, stay”
What do you call it when a DJ get's a heart attack?
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
Gordon Ramsay once survived a mustard-gas attack when he was in the army. Then, he got pepper-sprayed whilst at a protest.
You could say that he is relished among the cooking community, and truly a seasoned veteran
Did you hear about the bunch of Serengeti herbivores that no longer allowed lions to attack them unless a weak member needed removed?
BREAKING NEWS: Dendrologists have discovered a new type of parasitic tree whose roots will eat and attack other trees.
They have been initially described as coniferous
What does a pirate say when he has a heart attack?
In horror movies, why do clowns like to attack at night?
They think it’s dark humour
My soldier friend was doused with pepper spray and also survived a mustard gas attack.
Now he's a seasoned veteran.
Some guy just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar.
I said, “Is that a fret?”
Some guy just threatened to attack me with a neck of a guitar.
Son: *having a heart attack* dad, call me an ambulance
Dad: okay, you're an ambulance
Dad (having an heart attack): Son call me an ambulance...
Son actually calls an ambulance.
Dad dies of disappointment.
What do you call a guy having a heart attack?
Some guy just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar.
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