"My granddad died at exactly 3:45, and at precisely the same time his grandfather clock stopped."
"That's amazing."
"Not really. That's when it fell on top of him."
Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar at the same time...
Yesterday I opened my water bill and my electric bill at the same time.
Do you know what it’s called when an Egyptian farts and sneezes at the same time?
I am for and against quantum computing at the same time.
My math teacher told me I am in an entanglement.
Did you hear about the Yoga instructor that scheduled two classes at the same time?
They were in an awkward position
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all sitting at a bar when three flies land in their drinks at the same time,
The Englishman pushes his drink back and asks for a new one, the Irishman just takes the fly out and flicks it over his shoulder, resuming to drink his drink, meanwhile the Scotsman was tapping the back of the fly, screaming “SPIT IT OUT YA WEE BASTARD”
If you start the Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd and the passion of the Christ at the same time the scenes don’t match up at all
It turns out Jesus was more of a nine inch nails guy
What gives you more bedroom and less bedroom at the same time?
I briefly was product tester for L’Oreal and REI at the same time.
How do you call twins - both at the same time?
What is cold and hot at the same time?
Did you know that if you sneeze and fart at the same time
Your body takes a screenshot
PSA: If you or a loved one has been forced to wear glasses and a face mask at the same time
They may be entitled to condensation
What can be literal and figurative at the same time ?
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
What do you call a dead guy that makes you laugh and roll your eyes at the same time?
A ca-DAD-ver.
Yeah I dreamed this joke and remembered it when I woke up. Maybe it’s funny but it definitely made my wife roll her eyes.
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
I went to school with a guy who was in three rock bands at the same time
He said he was "Polyjamorous."
Two trucks pulled up to a scale at the same time. The driver on the right got to go first.
He had the right of weigh.
How can I speak English, French, Spanish and German at the same time?
When someone ask if I can see them, I will tell them that not only I can see them, but many many people including me, "We" can see them by answering "Yes, Oui Sí Ja." (Yes we see ya)
My wife asked if we could serve our guests dinner and dessert at the same time in order to save time.
I said “Sure, pizza cake.”
What word does one give to people from different backgrounds at the same time it’s a car game you place 1st in ?
The whole family is sick and we all coughed at the same time
I said, “Now that’s what I call a ca-cough-ony!”
What number is odd and even at the same time?
My mother-in-law happend to be washing dishes at the same time as me.
One might say we were... in sink
Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
What's it called when two Slinkys descend the stairs at the same time?
first time posting here and yeah i just performed 3 bad puns at the same time
Pixar originally casted Hugh Laurie for the role of Carl in Up. But they changed their mind because Hugh Grant was directing a movie and needed him at the same time.
They were never gonna give Hugh Up. They were never gonna let Hugh down.
How do you learn the ancient art of moving in two opposite directions at the same time while remaining in place?
You can sit down, shut up, and listen here.
What do you call someone who has powers and tricks people at the same time?
So today I opened my electricity and water bill at the same time…
Now that inflation is so high.. yesterday I opened my electric bill and water bill at the same time
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time…
I made the mistake of opening my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time.
Has covid forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
If so, you may be entitled to condensation.
I opened up my water bill and my electric bill at the same time
Has Covid forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
If so, you may be entitled to condensation
Have you been forced to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Has COVID-19 forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Has Covid made you wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
If so, you might be entitled to condensation.
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
Has Covid forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
You might be entitled to condensation
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