Asses Puns

Go stand in the corner, it’s 90 degrees.

Butt weight....That's not fanny.

The boss should just turn the other cheek.

There was this scientist that discovered a way to keep porpoises alive forever. Problem was that he had to feed them baby sea gulls Well the sea gull was a protect species so he had to be careful. Well one night he was bringing some back to the lab. It was very dark and he ran over a lion that was sleeping in the middle of the road A cop sees all this and you know what he arrested him for ? Carrying underaged gurls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises

This is not original. I read it in a book of puns 40 years ago. I do not know which one I would like to give it credit but it was 40 years ago

Pacific Rim

An assassin

.

Edit: thank you guys so much for the rewards! I was told this joke from my 9 year old sister, she was well chuffed to see all the votes and people thinking she was funny

Cuz then it would be a foot

Buttox.

Their tongues have been TAINTed!

She doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground.

Supplies!

It spelled Disaster.

A stick

It was pretty em-bare-ass-ing.

Edit: May or may not be based on real events.

Asphalt.

It didn't sit well with some of the patients.

I assume its because of all the dairy air.

they said I have a great sense of tumour

It was a weapon of ass destruction

Catty Wup Ass

A flat bread.

When I was 15 there was a Home Depot bucket next to the front door for a while. One night I was watching tv with my mom. She was laying on the couch and I was laying on the floor.

My dad got home from work and as he was taking off his boots he asked “Hey, where did that Home Depot bucket come from?” And without skipping a beat I said “I don’t know. Home Depot?” My mom laughed so hard and my dad was pissed. I got grounded for a week for “being a smart ass”.

I’m now 26 and to this day when my dad and I go to Home Depot I always chuckle and point to the buckets and ask “Hey dad, where do you think those come from.”

On one of these trips I picked one up and was examining it when my dad asked me what I was looking for. I turned the bucket upside down and said “Well would you look at that dad. They’re from Lowe’s.” I thought he was gonna knock my ass out right there.

TLDR: My dad: “Where did that Home Depot bucket come from?” Me: “I don’t know. Home Depot?”

All in all it’s been a real pain in the ass!

Wasabi

They’re hitting rock bottom...

Ass-centric

I told her that was just ass 9.

but I rectum.

I shit you knot

It’s a pain in the ass

It’s a real pane in the ass.

“Hey can you hear my back crack”

I replied “yea can you hear my ass crack” then proceeded with the filthiest fart known to man

Absolute crack up. Hahahahahah even she laughed

We called her Slowly Butt Shirley

Or should I spread them