Kim, oh no!
Every single time we had a bean salad with lunch/dinner (which was sometimes several times a week in the summer), he'd point to it and ask "What is this?"
"It's bean salad."
"I didn't ask for what it's been, I asked for what it is!"
Context: I work at a supermarket in the fruit and vegetable section and my co-worker who does the online order fufilment thing and I have have started a little "pun war", and I need some approriate puns that would tickle her funny bone immensly, All puns and even dad jokes are fair game.
My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!
When it’s of age
Speedometer
or nein?
Mega-sore-ass
(a chuckler from my childhood, not sure if it's appropriate anymore!)
I’ve done that. Now what do I do with the letters?
I'm writing an article about lithium-ion battery energy storage systems (ESS). The article talks highly of ESSs and the positive impact this technology will have in transitioning our energy grid to net neutral carbon emissions.
The last sentence of the article is currently "in short, the future for how we build cities is charged with potential."
Anyone have a better pun/punch line idea for this sentence?
Not sure if this is appropriate for this sub but if not, let me know if there's anywhere I can post this. Thanks a lot :)
The man was saddened deeply at the loss. It felt only natural that he bury the animal properly. He went to a nearby church. He found the priest and said, "Sir, can you help me? I would like to give my dog a proper burial."
The priest was bothered by the notion of burying the dog in the cemetery. He replied, " I am sorry for your loss sir, but we can't accept your pet into our burial grounds."
The man's heart sank, but he wasn't about to give up. He asked the priest, "Is their anywhere I can take him?"
The priest thought carefully and said, "You can try one of the protestant churches on the other side of town."
A gleam of hope came over the man's face. "Thank you Father, I will do just that. I do have one final question. Being a man of the cloth do you think a $10,000 donation would be appropriate for whomever will let me bury my pet?
The priest then burst out, " I am so sorry sir you can most certainly bury your pet here! You didn't mention that your dog was Catholic!"
Hey reddit 🖐 First time posting an actual post anywhere. But I wanted to see what the internet could up with. For this little dilemma I have.
So basically my work place needs signs for the women and men's restrooms and we don't want boring ones. Any idea what type of puns we could use for either door sign? I'd prefer IT puns but I'm up for anything really. It must be work place appropriate though (unfortunately)
I guess he never sausage a thing before.
I feel like the 66 route is a little late
During the mourning
"A sandwhoosh" [ with appropriate sound effects, of course... ]
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
Depends
Labor Day
Please guys, refer as condimentally challenged
Because people were complaining that a lot of jokes here weren't really H appropriate
When you're feeling drained.
Take
There was an Irishman whose dog died, he went to the parish priest and asked him to bury his dog. The parish priest said we can’t bury a dog but you can go down the street to that new sect, They’ll do anything. So the guy asked the priest what is an appropriate gift, is 50,000 enough? The priest replied why didn’t you tell me your dog was Catholic.
The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.
I'm sorry I oops'd up.
Or nein?
To tell my dog he is adopted?
