Home Cooking
So I'm driving home after picking my son up from school when a firetruck passed us lights flashing, sirens blaring.
Me: Oh no, your Mom's cooking again..
(Pun in title. Did ya get it?)
I tried donating blood today ... NEVER AGAIN !!
Too many stupid questions. Who's blood is it ? Where did you get it from ? Why's it in a bucket ?
A man got hit by a car and felt tired. A few months later he got hit by the same car again.
My wife told me that after this next load she's never doing laundry again
She just threw in the towel.
omg are we doing tire puns again?
I’m never asking a Swiss person to write a cheesy story again.
Or else it gets sunburned again
My doctor told me that, due to an obscure medical condition, I would never be able to feel shocked or frightened ever again.
My date told me we should have dinner again, but I declined
So, I got pulled over again.....
I was doing 150km/h down the freeway when a cop pulled out from behind a billboard up ahead and flagged me down.....I pulled over.
He said "you know something? I've been here half the day waiting for you!"
I replied "yes officer, I know....that's why I was going so fast! I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer!"
My email password has been hacked again!!!
That's the 3rd time I've had to rename the dog.
I'm never going to a church full of cows again.
The pasture looked at me strange and I didn't like it.
once again, from my bf...
Might move to Alaska...
Think I could really get Inuit!
my wife and I planned an entire week of camping. After two days, we packed our stuff and went home. We will never do that again!
The entire situations was just two in tents.
I spent all my money on large birds from the wetlands again.
I egret to say that I have a heron problem
My algebra teacher asked me to write "I will not do it again" a 100 times as a punishment
(I will not do this again) * 100. Think I'll top my class for this.
I’m upset my boss doesn’t believe me that I sent him the email again after he asked me to;
Nurse missed the first time when trying to give me an IV. When he switched Arms to try again, I asked...
Was your first effort in vein?
what's Bill Cipher's favorite song (other than we'll meet again)?
The worst jokes on dadjokes that you see over and over again are a quick and clever reply...
I think shredded cheese should be banned in USA.
Make America grate again.
Just happened: 18yo daughter: "Dad, can I borrow your studfinder to bring to work tomorrow, we need to hang a shelf."
Me: "Sure. But you'll have to check your mother's calendar to see if she's free."
Blank stare.
I stare back. Then she gets it. Epic eye roll. (Dad wins again with a classic).
My nephew had not returned as expected from geometry classes again.
I wondered if he had stepped on to the rhom bus.
My brother named his kid Hayden, Cayden, Brayden, and Jayden. His wife is pregnant again and asked for a name suggestion. I didn’t want to contribute to this terrible name scheme.
A lumberjack was cutting down a tree when he heard a groan. He stopped, listened, and thought he heard a voice. “Who’s there?” he asked. “It’s me,” said the tree. “I’m a talking tree.” The lumberjack paused for a moment, contemplating, then swung again with impunity and said…
“If you’re a talking tree, then you should die a log.”
If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again…
If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again…
Everyday I drive to work there is a nun walking to work at the catholic school down the street. It was so cold today but there she was walking again
I guess she's just in the habit.
I just got back from the annual alarm clock convention, and I'm never going again
It was a total snooze-fest
Let me feel that again !!!
If I was rich, I would never again buy shampoo.
That's how I became single again
I used to walk by the teachers lounge in school and overhear the teachers making fun of me, "hey there goes 'baby butt' ", "Damn, I have 'baby butt' in my class again this semester"
I checked my butt in the mirror every day and it seemed normal to me. Finally, I asked the janitor if he knew why the teachers called me 'baby butt'.
J - "Well, little dude, it's because you're always a little behind"
We have two unwritten rules here:
Never questioning lgbtq's ever again
They never give me a straight answer.
(Idk if this has been done or is overused pls I'm not a dad either I just like dad jokes)
A Guy witnessed a man try to shank someone, but the man messed up and ran away. That same guy saw the same man try to shank someone again, but this time the man succeeded.
My son’s fourth birthday was today, but when he came to see me I didn’t recognize him at first.
Nobody wants to listen to Whitesnake records with me
so here I go again on my own.
A hitman who kills people through masterful karate was complaining about his clients being inconsistent, calling off hits then putting them out again.
He said it's nothing but "whacks on, whacks off".
My wife complained to me again about removing the insulation of our house.
I told her I'm dealing with it asbestos I can
I see eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
You know how they named Canada?
People drew random letters from a bag. Someone drew from the bag and said,”C, eh.” He drew again and said,”N, eh.” He drew again and said,”D,eh.”
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
I’m never donating blood again.
They ask too many questions.
Whose blood is it?
Where did you get it?
Why is it in a bucket?
I tried donating blood today... NEVER AGAIN!!! Too many questions.
Like, "Who's blood is this?", "How did you get it?"
"Why is it in a bucket?"
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