I hope you’re not in a Uri.
Now they all have Mousey Tongue.
Ginger-bite-us
Taller people sleep longer in bed.
I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.
A real Lebaneezer Scrooge.
It’s a sturgeon general warning.
They’re immoovabull.
CROW-VID-19
That’s right!
.... Everyone.
My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):
I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing😬👍
It would seem that their capital is always Dublin.
I instantly thought this could affect Hundreds & Thousands...
Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?
Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.
P1: How so?
P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.
P1: You raise at interesting point.
P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?
P1: Yes
P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.
The course is called Mike Rowe Economics.
Au-spicious.
While this joke is bad, I doubt you've reddit before.
He didn’t have his Licker license
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
EDIT: HOLY my first award! Thankyou stranger!
The vacuum of space.
Sounds to me like her confidence has taken hablo.
They say the police are trying to weed out the culprit.
So I packed my things and right.
It's something called social distance sink.
But turns out it makes a pretty vas deferens
I told her it was an ovary action.
They are all free speech!
https://www.battleforthenet.com/
Stop the FCC from removing net neutrality!
It's a mobile device.
To build up my spirits he said, “Now, anything can affect your eye. Most anything. Like I’ve got one patient who lost an eye drinking coffee.”
I said, “Lost an eye drinking coffee?”
He said, “Yeah, he forgot to take the spoon out of the cup.”
http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/red-skeltons-eye-exam/
I hope 2 day shipping isn’t affected.
I was explaining the interesting L-glucose thing I saw on Reddit t'other day to my diabetic father.
Dad: oh, so it's Spanish glucose then?
He thought it was great.
Edit: TIL I am a neckbeard-Yorkshireman with a Dad who literally bats for 't'other side' - for anyone still in the dark,"t'other" is contraction of "the other" commonly heard in NE England; it is commonly used elsewhere as a lighthearted/bucolic affectation.
My wife is going to see a nutritionist to see how her diet can affect the fetus. As she was heading out the door, I said, "Hope your appointment is fruitful!"
She glared as she closed the door.
No, I'm not a smart shopper.
(I do this in front of the soon to be eyerolling wife. My boy still to young to "affect")
(This works where I live since the one grocery chain of stores branded their loyalty card scheme with the name "smart shopper")
"Does it affect the price?" I asked.
"No, not at all." she replied.
"In that case, I'd like them cooked with bacon, sausage and tomato please."
