Wee Puns

Eew

I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

I was engrossed

... and a hippo gnu year.

First saw that one in 1984 and it burned itself into my memory. :)

Kid’s of all ages love playing with their Wee Wii.

The studio had Large Margins

He then proceeded to run about with his arms in the air saying "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

I told her.

"He was arrested for masturbating in an adult theater, but I think he got off."

I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.

Oui’d

Cop: it’s a .....moving violation.

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
17. Always go straight home after work or school
18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.

They're both cauldron

My father used to insist he could drive with 3 knees (with hands off wheel). When asked what knees, he said;

"My right knee, my left knee, and me wee knee!"

They must be waiting for their turn.

He had a wee cough.

Wee plain ones.

You could say diarrhea runs in the family.

He likes his job, a wee bit.

Philippe Philoppe

Me; Left knee, right knee, wee nee

He said, "oui, wee."

Me: I love the sequel GF: ....... Me: I love you 2 cue groans

A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away.

Wee e e e e e e e e a week away

There was nothing left but de Brie

Because it had a wee calf.

One of my wife's bosses is from China with the family name Wong.

Wife was telling me that said boss just had a baby a few months ago.

(At this moment, my dad powers started kicking in...)

Me: "Huh, that's cool. When her husband visits the office next time, you should ask them if the baby's Caucasian."

Wife: "What?! Why?"

Me: Cause I wanna know if two 'Wongs' make a 'White'..."

Her eyes rolled so hard they detached.

Edit: Thanks for front page folks! Glad I could make you laugh (or groan...)

Edit 2: Thank you for the gold!

Edit 3: WIFE'S IN THE THREAD!! Abort! Abort! Wee woo wee woo wee woo

They're making headlines

Because the land doesn't wave back.

I'm brazilian and in Brazilian portuguese is very common to ask something from someone (mainly food) by saying "me dá um pouco/pouquinho disso?" (which means "would you give me a little of that?")

Everytime I do that to my dad, he uses two fingers to take the tiniest possible slice of the thing and give to me in my hand or plate with the most serious face possible. If I complain he procceeds to say something like "you asked a little, didn't you?". My mom everytime laughs at that.

They’re both going wee wee everywhere.

wee paws for station identification.

Oui Wee

He yells "yeah my left one, my right one, and a weeKNEE!" Child giggles ensue. Instilling dad jokes at a young age. Dadding done right. (:

I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

He said, "You have a wee cough?"

I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

Wee paws for station identification.