A cautionary tail.
My uncle's in dyer need.
Hope this is the right sub but this is something I need to share. Do not eat peanuts right now, if you do examine them carefully. There has been a fungus that has infected most of the peanut crops in north America. From the outside they look fine but if you bite into the nut you may notice a small black center. By then it's too late. The black center at early stages can cause digestive issues but if the entire nut is black it can cause failure of the nervous system and respiratory complications. There are pests that have laid their eggs in these plants and tiny microorganisms have developed in these plants. They leech into the fruit causing the black color. Ingestion can cause all sorts of troubles from diarrhea to death. These creatures are fatal. That's why you should always watch out for the creature from the black legume.
...or you'll be under a rest.
No tornadoes better come round here
(SCTV)
It might be SPAM.
It’s spam
vent later
I was like what are you some kinda meaty urologist?
You might get tinsel-itus
He told him "it's my way or the Huawei"
Today is election day in Canada, go out and vote!
https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0699/6735/products/mini-wing-spoiler_copy_x1400.jpg?v=1508404270
Hey guys! Now that winter is upon us I just want to let you know if you find yourself getting cold and don’t have a jacket you can always stand in a corner to warm up since they are always 90 degrees!
Buddy: Wait, so their idea was, "Your son is the devil, we can fix that with a bone marrow transplant and a virus?"
Me: No, I think they were lying about the retrovirus and just putting holy water and stuff into the marrow to exorcise him. That is my guess because they were just nuns, not real doctors.
Buddy: But, when he was freaking out at the end didn't the nurse say, "The gene therapy would have worked, but he was just too strong!"
Me: Oh yeah, maybe they had some of Jesus's DNA. So, instead of the CRISPR gene they use the CHRISTR gene....
I got an eye roll! No kids yet, but at least I know I can rise to the occasion.
"It tastes like shit"
The police are saying that he’s still at large.
They are calling it “Woof and Meowth disease”
If you're not 21 years old, you won't be able to live in a hotel because it's a hot ale. I hope you understood, and don't do that under any (air) conditioning!
If you don't aim well , urinal'ot of trouble
It was a surge in general.
https://preview.redd.it/m3liaqm82wd21.png?width=1943&format=png&auto=webp&s=73addd8f55b7761903fe25477b2de256c26b606a
Because he was dad on the inside.
Daenerys was going to rule Westeros.
But she didn’t have the heart for it.
Hopefully the new diet prescribed by his doctor will lower his blood pressure.
It’s not going cheap!
I'm not falling for that again.
I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."
Breaking into homes, glueing people's lids on their toothpaste.
Be wary, and keep your ice white open.
An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.
However, from the jail he was able to secretly contact his followers to arrange to escape, meet his followers, and attack the king's palace at night. So the night before his scheduled execution, the general managed to escape from prison. He fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away, where his followers would meet him. However, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure if his cohorts would find the right ziggurat. By this time it was twilight, so he lit a small fire and sent smoke signals to indicate in which structure he was hiding.
However, the king's loyal soldiers saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and came to arrest him before he could meet his followers. He was executed later that day.
The moral of the story? WARNING: The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.
If your wife says "I'll be back," You saying "I'll be front" does not get you sexy time.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p6_dJDPgac0
Get it? For boating?
I'm going on record to predict approximately 3.14 inches of snow tomorrow
Yes yes I get it. You don't have to rub it in.
This Christmas, my dad, brother, and I went over to my grandfather's house to visit. My grandpa has a pool table, so we always play a couple games. Our teams were my dad and my brother against my grandpa and me. After his turn, my dad goes over to a piano in the corner of the room and starts playing Christmas tunes. His turn quickly comes up and he's still playing the festive tunes on the piano. My grandpa yells at him, "Hey! We're playing pool. Stop playing piano." My dad replies, "Fine! I'll play forte," and continued to play Jingle Bells, but very loudly.
https://i.imgur.com/gfn0utP.jpg
