Valentin Puns

Baby, Yoda best, valentine from a galaxy far far away.

I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.

she told me "give it away, give it away, give it away NOW" !

Mine went from Mounds of Joy to Herpes Kisses.

You're purr-fect for me!

Told them to have a rootin' tootin' Valentine's day.

We were there for about 20 minutes before my wife even potted a red.

She stayed down a lot longer than they do in the WWE

And he reached my voicemail

Don't understand why, she'd always told me it's little things that count?

A love child

https://imgur.com/VpQ80W3

I know my wife loves a boo-K.

February 14th.

I'm thinking Feb 14th

I spent Valentine's Day eating my meat.

It’s the little things that count.

My mom’s friend is trying to write a card for her husband for Valentine’s Day, and he loves gnomes. Shes trying to find gnome puns to put in the card associated with Valentine’s Day. Please help because I don’t know any good gnome puns.

Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.

We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?

So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.

I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight". I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)

February 14th.

(it's 11:26 PM where I am so it's still Valentine's Day for me)

because there should be something for those who don't get the V or the D

February 14

She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.

But it looks like I missed my date

She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers

She says she loves being carded.

Oops, sorry. In. Undated.

... but by the time I made it to the break room, the sausage rolls were gone.

I stood there, looking at the donuts, lamenting the missed opportunity of the sausage rolls.

Another coworker overheard me, stating "Well maybe it's a good thing, ya know, maybe you're watching your weight?"

I picked up a chocolate frosted donut and took a bite. I turned to her and replied, "Yes, I am watching my weight."

"But shouldn't you not -"

"I'm watching my weight go up."

Cause I'll be spending this Valentine's Obama self

She said we "barely make a good pear". The nerve!

's mitten.

I find it to be a bit cheesy

All the lion cheetahs.

Oops e-daisies.

My friend owns a greenhouse and was trying to drum up sales for valentine's day. She put out a bunch of posters all over town - in the park, outside city hall, and even in a few convenience stores and restaurants. Just about everyone was incredibly helpful and gave her permission. However, the animal sanctuary owner refused outright and asked her to leave. She was very sad, but in the end, she came to understand that...

>!Only zoo can prevent florist fliers.!<

"I camembert if I’ve told you today, but just in queso I haven’t, you're looking sharp! I havarti accepted you stilton love “cheesy” holidays, but ricotta think things can only get feta with a little roman(ce)o. It colby just me, but I swiss you very much when we’re apart. It’s cheddar when we’re together because then I don’t feel provolone. I think we go gouda together, and I want to grow mold with you. Wheel you brie my valentine?"

A cauliflower.

I love you watts.

Sorry. I meant in. Undated.

It meant a great dill to me.

Why people only care about a Valentinye?

I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it

Me: "I don't know what to get her." Dad: "Get her a musical instrument." Me: "Uh, a musical instrument? She doesn't play anything. Dad: "Get her an upright organ."

Hey guys. I found a really cute very card that has a sushi roll on the front of it I thought it would be fun to fill it with cute sushi related lines. Any ideas?

Thank you!

Wife: "How much are kisses?"
Me: "Kisses are free!"
kisses wife

I fart a lot around her, so I hope to have a few toot jokes in there. Any thing helps

He met his match.

I was feeling quite kneady

I hope your day starts off with a bang!

So we're in the car driving him home, and we got on the subject of valentines day. Me being attached and him single, I was really happy for him when he told me he had a date for valentines day!

I ask "So who is she?"

him: "February 14th"

worst part is it took me a while to get it, so I kept questioning him. I got out daded

In France people give each other white roses on Valentine’s Day because they surrender their love to each other

They were so delicious, not having one would have been a missed steak...

"What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?"

"Will you be my Valenstein?"

I'm away at college now but he never fails to send me a few dad jokes!

Dad: Do you have a date for Valentine's day?

Me: Yeah, House of Cards and a long car ride.

Dad: Well, I do

Me: Ummmm, okayy?

Dad: Yeah, it's February 14. I thought everyone knew that.

They are Self Raising

Told my dad about my plans to take my girlfriend to a couples painting class for Valentine's Day. He responds with.. "Cool. So what color are you going to paint her?".

I am so proud.

Such a Lovely day.

It's the 14th of february

I have...

It's February 14th.

I have....

February the 14th.