Did you hear about the guy who repeated the same phrase more times than anyone else ever has?

Sounded like a broken record.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...

Every clod has a silver lining.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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he over-repeated it so much

Dad: Hey son, isn't your friend Jeff dyslexic?

Me: Yessir

Dad: And you go to church with him?

Me: Yeah we carpool, his grandma drives us.

Dad: So he's Christian, and he's dyslexic?

Me: Dad, what's your point?

Dad: I just wanna know, does that mean he believes in Dog?

And he thought is was the funniest damn thing ever. Fond memories though.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeandstuff
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
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He repeated this joke more than once at the grocery store...

Me: "we need finely shredded sharp cheddar cheese"

Dad: "well it's about time they shredded it!"

Me: -_-

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FSUbentley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
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I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.

I never got a straight answer.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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I heard herb gardens grow better with classic rock in the background, so I played a Styx album on repeat.

Now I've got Too Much Thyme on My Hands.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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These repeating musical notes are just perfect for my composition...

In fact, you could say that they are Canon Fodder.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aikijo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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*Slap knee* repeat x 5
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turronno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brutalproduct
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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I challenged my son, "Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What’s left? Rolling his eyes, he sighed, "2." I yelled, NOPE!"

"The opposite of right!"

πŸ‘︎ 480
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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Drives me crazy when people keep repeating the same dad joke

Already Reddit

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alecdoconnor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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So I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know

πŸ‘︎ 180
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πŸ‘€︎ u/POOTIS113
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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My cousin tries to keep posting jokes on this sub, but gets repeatedly banned by the mods.

He’s my cousin, twice [removed].

πŸ‘︎ 545
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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History repeats itself
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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My friend: I forgot the word for β€œrepeating something”

Me: Again?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sdtertodi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks...

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I keep forgetting that Tom Petty passed away and it makes me sad

He don’t come around here no more

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theichel24
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. β€œHey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”

Because the chicken had the day off.

Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.

Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)

πŸ‘︎ 684
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EagleTG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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[At the wedding] Priest: Repeat after me...

Groom: After me..

Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious?

Bride: No, his name is Mike.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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My friend learned Spanish by jotting sentences repeatedly...

He used wrote learning.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Pete, Pete, and Repeat walk into a bar

Pete takes a few too many shots and gets sent home in a cab, Pete gets into a fight and taken to the drunk tank for the night.. who's left?

Repeat.

... Pete, Pete and repeat walk into a bar...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NunYaBizzNas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Do Hawaiians laugh loudly?

Or is it just a low ha?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/das_bic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a bloodbank.

The rabbit says: "I think i am a Type O."

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Number wars, a dad joke story.

6 couldn't believe it. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. 7 had long offended 6. A repeat 6 offender if you will. But this was unforgivable. 9 was his best friend. How could he do this to his best friend? How could it be that 7 ate 9?

6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. They would get even. 10 was the best friend of 7 you see. 2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6.

Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. 7 couldn't follow.

12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 3 wasn't sure. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. But 3 promised to get to the root cause.

Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over.

Three times 7 went to 21's compound. On the third try he was able to get through. After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called.

Both 6 and 7 argued over the whole thing. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other.

Finally, 21 had had enough. "7, why did you eat 9"

7 responded "I just wanted to get 3 square meals." 21 had 7 eliminated for initiating the battle and 6 jailed for masterminding 10's death. And the war was over.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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If you're having trouble connecting your bluetooth device, just dress in green, sit on a perch and repeat everything that tech support tells you.

It's the only way to parrot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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A chicken walks into a library

It goes up to the librarian and says "bok." The shocked librarian looks at the chicken and says, "Excuse me, what?" and the chicken repeats, "bok."

The librarian thinks a moment before asking, "You want a book?" The chicken nods and says, "bok," so the librarian goes and gives the chicken a book, and it walks out.

A few minutes later the chicken struts back in and says "bok bok." The librarian, still shocked, asks if it wants two books, to which the chicken replies, "bok bok." So the librarian gets two more books and gives them to the chicken.

A few more minutes pass and the chicken walks back up to the front desk, saying "bok bok bok." The librarian nods and fetches three more books, but this time decides to follow the chicken outside.

Tailing the chicken, she watches as it walks out to the parking lot, where a frog is sitting by a pile of books. When the chicken lays the new delivery before it, the frog takes one look and says, "reddit, reddit!"

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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My OCD stricken friend blows off stress by repeatedly hitting F5.

He says he finds it refreshing.

I told him he needs help, now he keeps hitting F1.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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There were a group of elderly people say with their phones.

They repeatedly tapped their screens... Read more

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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I can't stop myself from listening to an Eric Clapton song on repeat every day.

I think I have a Cocaine addiction.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bios_001
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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I considered putting it on β€œrepeat all” as well
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InformalCap
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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If you repeat a colon in Australia,

would that give you a colon oz copy?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it's been repeated several times, and yet still ignored.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soaraf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I heard my teenager mumbling in her sleep. She kept repeating, "1,3,5,7,9"

Literally she can't even.

πŸ‘︎ 999
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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I’d like to thank Merriam-Webster for teaching me the meaning of the word β€œplethora”.

It really means a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmhollifield
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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What repeatable, documented procedure do artists use when formulating the perfect shade of blue?

The Cyantific Method!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeTack
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Rimshot

The seasoned comedian at a night club was telling the new guy, β€œIf you want a good spot in the line up, you’ll have to suck up to the club manager.”

β€œNo way! I’m no brown noser. In fact, I’m writing this into my next routine, that’ll show her.”

He went back to his room and started thinking and writing.

The next weekend the old comedian was surprised when the new guy was first up on stage. He went through his routine flawlessly, never saying a mean word against the club’s manager... In fact he thanked her repeatedly.

The old comedian was astonished and asked, β€œWhat happened?”

β€œWell I wanted to stand my ground, ...but, um... bum kissed”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigfootNick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?

It’s fully groan.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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I had a friend who got paid by the letter to write a phonics manual

To make a little extra cash he wrote a rhotic r on the side

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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When I turned into a teenager, my dad repeatedly emphasized the importance of using a condom whenever I have sex.

He said, β€œAnyone who would sleep with you would sleep with almost anyone else.”

πŸ‘︎ 181
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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I recently overheard my dad washing the dishes. He repeatedly pushed a fork under water while saying:

"WHO DO YOU FORK FOR? WHAT'S YOUR PLATE?"

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Got_A_Hatt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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My husband suggested we get a repeater to improve our router signal...

Me: A what?

Him: A repeater.

Me: dramatic eyebrow wiggling with shit eating grin

Him: Oh my god.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misscharl0tte
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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I dont like gifs

They repeat the same joke

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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I heard the King of spain caught Covid...

Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.

So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmohon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.

I never got a straight answer.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.

I never got a straight answer.

πŸ‘︎ 422
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat.

Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat.

Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat.

Etc.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2inHard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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