Onions was such a good dog
Boy was he a good dog...
Just yours.
Even our wedding cake was in tiers
I said “that sounds like a ewe problem.”
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
"I've lost my ten tackles!"
I told him to suck it up
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
He's 14. You'd think that by now he'd know my name is Troy.
I didn't make the joke in english but it translates well.
We just had lunch and my mom was clearing out the table and putting stuff in the dishwasher while my brothers and my dad were talking about the party we were going to that afternoon. My mom and dad would go there by bike and my brothers and I would take the car.
Then my mom said: "should I turn on the dishwasher so everything will be clean when we'll return?"
On which I commented: "That's not fair, we go by car, and you by bike, while the dishwasher has to run?"
"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"
Minor injury.
It was totally unbereavable.
Context: Today was helping at practice for a play that my 4th grade daughters class is going to put on. My daughter (Sarah) was playing a tree, and another girl (Mikayla) was playing a Deer. Right now they're all into this weird "dating" phase. So Sarah ran over to me sobbing...
Sarah: Dad, Mikayla kissed my boyfriend. She is already dating Scott and Michael kissed her just now!
Me: Hoe dear, that sounds like a really sticky situation you're in.
I then proceeded to start laughing while failing to control it while my daughter started bawling. The other adults looked at me like I was a demon, and I had to leave the room for a minute to control myself.
Edit: Also I later realized that my daughter doesn't understand what a hoe is and thought I was just laughing at her. Don't worry, I have apologized and bought her ice cream.
It was in mourning.
I replied - "Shouldn't you get a hersterectomy?"
She groaned, but then agreed that I should post this here...
Even our wedding cake was in tiers.
Onions was such a good dog
Onions was a good dog.
Even the cake was in tiers
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
It tiered up.
I miss onions, he was a good dog
