Well... uhh...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BossRediter87
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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Uhh
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xescure
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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Dad: What mouse walks on two legs? Me: uhh..Mickey Mouse

Dad: What duck walks on two legs?

Me: Donald Duck!!

Dad: All of them, you moron

Me: shit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xjakexlol
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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Me_irl
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ren_migrans
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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Did you know monkeys could talk

It’s just every time you ask them a question they are either too excited β€œOoh Ooh” or nervous β€œUhh Uhh” to ever finish their thought.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HumanLevelHard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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After attempting for five hours to get this fence post to stand upright, I've finally realized

This is a shit post

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5lash3r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Planetary pop quiz

"What's the closest planet to our sun?"

"Uh, Mercury."

"Correct! What's the biggest planet?"

"Jupiter!"

"Right again! Now, think carefully.. What's the smelliest planet?"

"Uhh. I dunno..."

"Uranus!"

"Oh god, Dad! Stop!"

Lulz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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True fact right here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UberThiqq
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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With Brexit leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?

1 GB

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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My Dad dropped his phone in a cup of coffee...

After a stunned silence...

"At least it runs Java now."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Durangokid97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2016
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What’s the opposite of YouTuber?

MyPotato

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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Happy...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ph4ntom900
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
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When I was your age

Dad: Hey son, how old are you?

Son: Uhh dad I’m 9

Dad: Let me tell you something, when I was your age I was 9 too!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vektriz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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History Dad Joke

In my AP European History Class, we have to a Long Essay Question. For our final, we are allowed to pick from two different questions. We had done a lot of preparing in class for the Long Essay Question. It was most commonly abbreviated as LEQ. (ELL IEH KIYU). So on the day of my test:

Me: Hey Mr. [teacher], do you know my friend Ellie? She was in your class last year.

Teacher: Uhh, last name?

Me: Q

Teacher: That was awful

Me: Do I get extra credit for that?

Teacher: No.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Acceptable_Bottle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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A classic from my father.

So a man walks into a library, he says to the librarian, β€œ uhh can I get Ham and Swiss on rye? The librarian says to the man, β€œAre you aware this is a library?” The man replies β€œ oh, my mistake. He then whispers β€œCan I get Ham and Swiss on rye?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_tsirhC
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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My son needs your help

He is running for student council. He can make two posters.

My idea. First one, don't pick your nose, pick Derek

Second. There are three kinds of people, those that can count and those that run for student council.

He is 12

Thank you for your help!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fundhero
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2017
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What do a polite Frenchman and a compassionate Englishman have in common?

No, merci.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerkstore_84
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2017
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Whenever my dad passes a graveyard

Dad:Do you know many dead people are in this grave yard? Me;uhh... 200? DAD:ALL OF THEM!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaq-attack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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Asked my dad for a tissue.

Dad: "You're built upside down."

Me: "Uhh, wat?"

Dad: "Your nose runs and your feet smell!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotTooBadYourself
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
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One of my dad's go-to classics when I was growing up

About 8/10 when my dad was checking out at the grocery store or best buy or somthing with a rewards card he would do the same dad joke (which I now find hilarious). If the cashier was a woman, this would go down:

>Cashier: Your total is $x.xx. Do you have a rewards card with us?

>Dad: uhh...I don't think so...

>Cashier: Well what's your phone number?

>Dad: Sorry I don't just give my number out I'm married.

idk if this counts but it was one of my dad's go-to's and the amount of times he did it combined w/ the eye roll punchline made it one to me.

Teenage me cringed, probably gonna do it myself at some point now. I accept my dad joke fate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sloppysloppyjoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
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Dadjoked my lecturer

The whiteboard is always a mess from the previous class and every week my lecturer has been getting more and more annoyed that the previous guy doesn't clean the board after use.

This morning as he begrudgingly stepped towards the board he sighed and asked the heavens, "when will be the day that I stop having to wipe this board?"

I said to him, "I think the writing's on the wall Professor."

I got one cackled laugh amongst many groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grayworks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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Told my dad what I was having for dinner... he couldn't help but crack a dad joke.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caseyls
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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My office pulled a dadjoke today..

Scenario: We're closing up for the day, so we need to lock our doors.

One of my co-workers is holding on to the key.

Another one of my co-workers said: Quit being so dorky and give me the door key.

Groaning followed..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireglare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2014
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My two year old got me.

Me: "Say awe."

Son: with a half open mouth, "Uhhhhhh."

M: "NO. Say awe Big!!!"

S: with same half open mouth, "Uhh big."

GF: "Well, he's not wrong."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beekr427
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2016
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My friends dad told the most amazing dadjoke and roast in one sentence

"hahaha ok so my dad comes in my room and goes do you like disco music and I was like uhh yeah I guess and he goes cause it looks like your stuck in the 70's and hands me my report card that has 3 c's on it and I died laughing it was the funniest thing ever"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charizard16
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2016
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What time is it?

Son:uhh 2:30 Dad:If your tooth hurtie than you should go to the dentist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BPaws
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
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What a classy man, he is.

My grandfather said this one while we were eating...

G-Pa: Asian accent Do you like seafood?

Me: Uhh...I guess?

G-Pa: Opens mouth. See food!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minutes2Midnight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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Dad just laid this bombshell on me at the park

So me and my dad were outside the local park's eating area, which had a big sign reading "No dogs allowed" on the wall next to it. A family walks straight in with their dog. My dad, expressionless, looks at the sign, then the dog, then looks back at me and simply says: "Uhh... I guess the dog can't read"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heffo1996
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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Puns I only wish I could think of.

I got two. This was at a wildlife preserve while my family and I were visiting Alaska.

  1. SCENE: Lynx exhibit. WILDLIFE PRESERVER: "And these are our 2 lynx, we found them as kittens and they have always lived here." DAD: "They're lynx, huh? So where do they take me if I click on them?"

Aftermath: She didn't get it.

  1. SCENE: Moose area. DAD: "What do you do if a bear charges you?" FAMILY: "Wave our arms and shout at it." DAD: "And what do you do if a moose charges you?" FAMILY: "uhh..." DAD: "You give him your credit card!"

Aftermath: The sound of 3 hand smacking their foreheads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Space_Bungalow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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Cell Phones

Dad - So your brother is really hoping to get a job at Verizon or AT&T. Me - Really why is that? Dad - Sell Phones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dead_man_walkin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
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Told a Dad joke to answer my aunt's question

We were camping and setting up a tent thing to cover our food.

her: i wonder which way the rain will fall (meaning which side it'll hit)

me: ...uhh down?

her: ...wow

mom: go ahead and slap him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tajacama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
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Dad pulled this one on me in the mall parking lot

"Hey amnesiajune, where did we park?"

"Uhh... 2A or 2B"

"2B or not 2B... Thats the question!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amnesiajune
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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Ayn Walk and 4 Miles This Way

Had a couple noteworthy ones from my dad in the last few days.

First: I'm carrying a couple of books around, one of which happens to be Atlas Shrugged. My dad sees and asks me, "What are you reading Ayn Walk?" I shoot him a quizzical look and an "Uhh... Wut?" He explains, "Well it's not Ayn Ran(d), it's Ayn Walk!" /facepalm

Then today we happened to pass by a sign for the town of Bruce, WA (whose name my dad shares) which showed the direction and how far away it is. I point it out to my dad saying, "Look, Bruce, 4 miles that way!" Dad replies, "Ah yes that's good but they got it wrong, it should say Bruce 4 miles this way!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tofuuti
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
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SUPPLIES!

"I wanted to get a shovel for her. But Cheryl said nooooo..." "Uhh.. why?" "So when we surprise her I can hold the shovel and yell SUPPLIES!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShellyMarsh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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Herpies

A conversation between my dad and I a few hours ago...

ME: Hey dad how was your dinner?

DAD: Great! I have herpies.

ME: Uhh... What?

DAD: She doesn't like them so I had my peas and her peas too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/runhomekaila
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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It wasn't on purpose

My father had been in a phase where all he'd drink was wine from the Rhine region of Germany.

When the waiter at the Chinese restaurant asked what we wanted for drinks, my father, knowing that not all restaurants carry it, asked "Do you have Rhine?"

Waiter: Yes, of course

Dad: Ok, great, I'll have that!

Waiter (looking confused): Ahh, ok, you want red rine, or white rine?

Dad: uhh.. how about merlot?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natrous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2014
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