Don't ask meow.
Sorry, wrong stub.
Maybe I should have cooked it on aloha temperature.
Every time we drove past a cemetery.
"How many dead people do you think are in there?"
"All of them"
In a museum gift shop
Dad (picks up a small globe): "I had one of these when I was a kid, I loved it. It meant the world to me"
On bridges in Michigan, there are signs warning motorists of ice that forms over them during the winter months.
When I was a kid, I was riding in the car with my dad one hot summer day. my dad says, "boy is it hot..." as he pulls over on the bridge, unhooks his wristwatch and sticks it out the window. I ask, "what are you doing, dad?" And he says, "didn't you see the sign? 'Watch for ice on bridge'!"
He laughed for a good five minutes as he drove off.
http://i.imgur.com/sVWevH9.png
Me: Didn't you do jiu jitsu when you were younger?
Uncle Jerry: No, I did Judo.
Mom: What's Judo?
Uncle Rick: It's what bagels are made of.
Called the old man earlier today.
"Hey could you buy something for me today?"
"no"
"huh? why not?"
"I'm pretty sure something is sold out today" click
"Goddamit!"
http://imgur.com/NVoH9lm
While my dad does not do this i have seen other dad's do it, leave it to beer to know what dad's say, lol.
(BTW this is a X:post from http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2z9xk6/dammit_dad/ someone directed me here ^^;)
that came completely out of the orange
He reads lips.
BREATH!!
Edit: breathe..dammit
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Because it was the time of knights.
but if you remove it, you get gravy.
A Doyouhaveasoreass
dammit, I’m not even allowed to mark this post as a spoiler
is it a 34 degree murder in the US?
(Lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion.)"
God dammit, dad.
it opened up a whole new world for me.
But to me, the star is Patrick
You use the Italian combo.
The rest of the world: I broke my metre
Looking at the price, I said to her, "Damn, they're cherribly expensive!".
The doctors described his condition as stable.
My carer says I should be able to try the spoon tomorrow.
Crossfit
...a man enters and asks them "Can you see me?" and they respond; "Yes." "Oui." "Sí." "Ja."
an oxymoron
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Lunch is on me
A left ear
A right ear
And a final front ear
An irrelephant.
It needs more Campbell!!
Because he did nazi it coming.
It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
Apparently that’s not how you grade exams.
One goes whack...dammit! The other goes dammit...whack!
Surreal.
