Living with my friend Cole can be tough sometimes.

He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.

It's just Cole's law.

(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arthur_nemosnax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Life is tough being an elevator repair technician.

Business is up and down.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VisualEyez33
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.

No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigtuna_burger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Even Batman has tough days
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schemesymcplots
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Due to the Covid crisis, the Indian bakery in my neighborhood is going through some tough times.

They fired all Naan essential staff.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I suggested my son wear a hi-hat for hat day at school but he said no.

Apparently he's not into cymbalism.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I just read that times were real tough for musicians in the early 17th century...

They were all Baroque

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qwopcircles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was caught cheating in a big tongue-twister tournament

The judge is bound to give me a tough sentence

πŸ‘︎ 409
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
So Gandhi fasted every day. His body got weaker and weaker. His feet grew incredibly tough from walking barefoot. He was deep into Hindu spirituality. Unfortunately, he had chronic bad breath.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that Gandhi was a super fragile, calloused mystic suffering from halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just reading this story about a guy who went through several tough breaks in life and couldn’t get ahead. One day he just stopped talking and his only way of communicating was through hand and body motion.......

Poor guy turned to a life of mime.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjleak72
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Had a really tough day today. I figured you would appreciate that my wife suggested I peruse r/dad jokes while she drew me a relaxing bath.

I asked her if it was going to be full color or just a sketch.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theknight618
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Tough times, you need to be upbeat
πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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Owning rabbits is tough.

Some might say it's a harey situation.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buggnugg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
It's tough to swallow your pride.

Unless you are a cannibal lion

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_litt1e_stitious
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Lawyer say after having a tough financial year?

My income is low-er and this maybe my career's financy low-year.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nnntridib
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Shark: Once, I had a tough fight with an octopus.

He was well-armed.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/khAngnghiEmm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
It's tough to admit that I'm using too much weight on my bench press.

I'm having a hard time getting this off my chest.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
7, 8, and 9 are the only members of their gang. 7 is the fighter, small but tough; 9 is the conman, big but nice; and 8...

is between 7 and 9, average and mean.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m giving up being an electrician.

I just conduit anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Busted a nut...
πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZaKrypton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A tough one found on the Punderland home on Balboa Island. (Answer in comments)
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frisbeeluna
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
This quarantine is getting tough

I had to sell my air guitar collection on ebay

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s tough to come up with a new brand of bug spray.

You always have to start from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Tough guy, huh?

They served Wookie steaks on the Death star.....they were a little Chewie...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I like telling fart jokes.

They are tough to hold in.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Happy Ending

A guy walks into a bar on Ash Wednesday and orders a beer. "I'm really having a hard time trying to decide what to give up for Lent," he tells the bartender. "Well let me tell you a little cautionary tale about giving things up for Lent," the bartender says. "A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition. This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow... "

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frudedude
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashwinvias
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
why don't Greeks like getting up in the morning?

Well, probably because dawn is tough on Greece

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leadonNC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Times are tough... I had to sell my dishwasher

Boy, do I miss her

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r00ski5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Driving in Mexico can sure be tough...

All the ese-curves mean you gotta be on your toes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Tough day at the muffle centre today...

... you might say it was exhausting πŸ’¨

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Tough day being a plumber...

... was draining πŸ’¦

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is studying to become a massage therapist

All she wants to do is study and practice. I’ve got to cook; I’ve got to clean. It’s tough.

But I have to say, at the end of the day, it does feel nice to be kneaded

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/recentlyunearthed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Because dawn is tough on Greece.

πŸ‘︎ 413
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/westtxfun
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Addictions are tough to overcome...
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMajicman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I’ve never heard him complain

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameViolation666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad was demoted to part time as orchestra conductor due to budget cuts

Now he's a semiconductor.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CynAq
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
World renowned tongue twister champion was officially charged in court today

They gave him a tough sentence. He got off better than his accomplice, The semi-colon, who is in between two complete sentences.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My Calculus Professor is having a tough time adjusting to retired life.

He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
The world tongue twister champion just got arrested.

I heard they're going to give him a really tough sentence...

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Human interest for 2021 Lent

A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition.

This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow...

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drzowie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Being a scarecrow is a tough job...

but hay... It’s in my jeans.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/papadooku
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do the people of Athens not wake up early?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheezzlez
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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