The Bathtub Puns

Because it was de-livered.

Alfred: “Sir? What’s a htub ”

One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.

So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".

Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.

He was a soak.

'No, just up to your neck'

He feels pity at the sight and asks "What's wrong, love?" She turns to him and says "I can't stand showering without my legs"

Now it's syncing.

A robber ducky

It said, it's kind of draining.

Me: That doesn’t make no cents, it makes one cents.

One day we’re playing with the bathtub alphabet set while I wash him; the next he asks me to get the ‘F’ out.

So a guy decides he wants to buy the world's most unique pet. He goes to the pet store.

He looks at a cat and a dog. Not unique enough.

He looks at a hamster and a guinea pig. Please.

The pet store guy shows him a porpoise in a tank. He says "what's unique about that" and the pet store guy says "this one will live forever".

So he buys two.

He takes them home and puts them in his bathtub.

He feeds them. He tries feeding them fish, shrimp, waffles, everything. They won't eat anything.

So he goes back to the pet store, and says "they won't eat anything I give them" and the pet store guy says "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, the only thing they will eat is mynah birds."

He says "mynah birds. Really?" and the pet store guy says "yep".

So he buys a couple mynah birds and takes them home.

When he gets home, there's a lion sleeping on his front step. Yes, a lion.

He thinks, that's a little strange, but I've got these mynahs and I've got to feed my pets. So he steps over the sleeping lion and takes the mynahs inside.

Just then, a cop jumps out of the bushes and arrests him.

He says "come on! What's the charge"

And the cop says

"transporting mynahs across a sedate lion for immortal porpoises"

Art.

Two guys with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall? Curt n Rod.

No arms and no legs in a bathtub? Dwayne.

No arms and no legs at your front door? Mat

No arms and no legs and playing in the leaves? Russell

At the city dump? Phil

Lady left the Milk Man a note on her empty milk bottles, asking him to come see her before he left.

Milk Man comes by, reads the note, goes up to the lady’s house, knocks on the lady’s door and says, “you wanted to see me?”

Lady says, “yes, I read that taking milk baths is good for your skin, so I’d like for you to bring me enough milk to fill my bathtub, can you do that?”,

Milk Man says, “I sure can, would you like that milk pasteurized?”

Lady says, “no, just up to my nipples would be good”.

Who’s there?

Dwayne.

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwoning.

My daughter was singing dramatically the other day while in the bathtub. I said with all that singing it sounded like a soap opera.

Back story for joke: me and my buddy were told this joke when we were somewhere around the age of 12 by his grandpa. The joke: two frogs are sitting in the bathtub when one ask the other to pass the soap. The other frog looks at him and says "what do I look like a type writer to you?". The aftermath: as the old man walked away laughing and pulling up his glasses as he wiped tears away, we stood there confused. I thought by now being 24 I would understand the joke but I still have no idea if the old man was just senile or messing with us. God help me....

I was getting my five year old son out of the bathtub tonight, and we started the water draining while he dried off. The army of bath toys slowly made their way to the drain end of the tub, when I noticed things had slowed down a little bit. I fished around and found a plastic toy seal had blocked the drain. Picking it up, I said "looks like the drain has been sealed".

My son looks at me for a moment, and as soon as the penny drops and he gets it he starts cracking up. Several attempts were made to re-seal the drain after that.

My wife leaves a ton of hairs in the bathtub and forgets to pick them up. I call her on it.

Her: "well, you're in the bathroom now, pick them up."

Me: "no. You always do it. It's the principal of it."

Her: "no it's not the principal 'cause they haven't gone to school."

ಠ_ಠ i couldn't stoo laughing for about 5 minutes.

My special other wanted to be polite, as Dad was filling up the bathtub to take a bath during our stay there.

Special Other speaks through the bathroom door "Dad, can I use the bathroom quickly?"

Dad walks out without delay wearing a shit-eating-grin

"I don't know, have you timed yourself?"