My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
Gimme some sweet karma for an account I'll never use again
What’s the difference between a baked sweet potato and a forcefully flying pig?
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What did the Sweet Potato say when it gained consciousness?
I've always hated the song "Sweet Dreams"
But who am I to disagree?
What’s a monsters favorite kind of sweets?
Just bought a Sweet Car Online...
Previously owned by Neil Diamond.
Why did the sweet potato cross the road?
So that it could be the other side.
Courtesy of my 6 year old. I’m so proud.
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
Sweet dreams are made of cheese.
How does a baker in Alabama describe his occupation?
What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?
What do you call a sweet gun?
I’d say something sweet about the new Jacket I got for Christmas..
But I don’t want to sugar coat it.
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight."
I dated a communist once. I had no idea. She seemed sweet. But it did NOT end well
Honestly I should have noticed all the red flags
What does a vampire bite if he wants something sweet?
Did you hear about that famous chocolate factory owner who suffered from a penis accident?
He's known as Willy Wonky.
An hour before 5 in the morning is the best time to cook a sweet potato.
I recently found out my wiener doesn’t work anymore. I decided to have a funeral since it’s pretty much dead now. My sweet wife asked if anything would make me feel better.
I replied, Perhaps mourning would...
Why was the cookie missing his friend?
Because he’d been a wafer too long.
My friend knows just who he can trust in the seedy part of town to get him safe candy and sweets...
I heard Chinese joke.
It was a sweet-sour experience.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!
What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?
Did you hear about Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend breaking into an animal shelter and releasing a bunch of huskies into the wild??
Turns out it was The Who that let the dogs out
Sheep shouldn't eat sweets
I met a homeless person who smelled really sweet.
After getting badly hurt, my friend asked me not to sugar coat it
So I used stevia instead.
My grocery store had a great deal on baked sweets today
It’s really been a great cake day
Something sweet I found in Texas
Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge.
It's a viscous cycle.
My family didn't like this nearly as much as the pancakes I was making, sadly.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
As an archaeologist, I could instantly tell the people of the ancient world were into sweet things...
They used a mortar and PEZ-tle.
Yeah, it's dumb but it sure beats a repost!
MY DAUGHTER KEPT COMPLAINING FOR DAYS ABOUT A MONSTER UNDER HER BED
So I drank it and told her to stop hiding cans😤
My wife wanted me to start sweet talking to her everyday
I told her i can't because I'm diabetic
My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
Sweet dreams are made of cheese.
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
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