What do you call a child on his front steps, thinking about his subconscious?

A Stoop Id Kid

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshmeisterino
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Spin class

Me: β€œHow was the gym?”

My wife (pregnant with our first): β€œIt was awesome, I did 45 minutes of spinning”

Me: β€œJeez, you must be dizzy!”

Wife: (just shakes her head in disapproval)

Is this a new joke or did I subconsciously steal it from somewhere? Also is it any good?! Am I ready to be a dad??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Dad pulls up to a red light, Car next to him revs the engine and yells "race?"

Dad responds "Hispanic!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strider820
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2016
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Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two tired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeemoTheOverlord
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
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I like that smokestack in the background.

It's really adding to the atmosphere.

(-my girlfriend, taking a picture at a garden tonight. I read her the top of r/dadjokes every day; I think it's finally producing subconscious results.)

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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Did a test for defensive driving

I had to do a quick test where one of the questions asked how humans normally breathe. The answers were; a) subconsciously b) rapidly c) under water or d) only when you need to

I answered c, and when the instructor told me I was wrong I replied that i thought my answer sounded a little fishy :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hammy_9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2016
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u/Turk3ysDad was always so smooth with the bill

Not so much a joke, but just something my dad does:

Whenever we go out to eat, he must sense when the waiter/waitress is going to ask if we're ready for the bill, he pulls out his wallet and in one smooth motion presents he the credit card and says "Let me give you this now and save you the trip."

He must have a sixth sense about cause I have never been able to pull off that maneuver as easily. He might of been doing it subconsciously, because the one time I bring it up and tease him a little; he stopped doing it.

Legend has it once as he handed the card to the waitress she said, "Oh, that will save me a trip!" However I was not there so who really knows what happened that day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TURK3Y
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
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