I showed up to my last job interview exhausted and stoned
I was hired
What do you call a stoned lowrider driver?
Highrider
What do you call a lazy person thatβs stoned?
A baked potato.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path
What do you call a janitor that gets stoned ?
High maintenance
Why do people get nervous around stoned beef?
Because the steaks are high.
I'd rather be stoned than be hanged
"Ooh no thanks buddy I'm already stoned"
How do you know your Rice Crispies are stoned?
They go, "Snack, Popple, and Crap!"
Whoever came up with this had to be stoned.
What do you call a stoned firefighter
A higher fighter
My college roommate claimed that the more stoned he was, the more logical he became.
That was a wrong high pot thesis.
What do you call a stoned lizard?
Mariguana.
What do you call telling a joke to a room full of stoned german women
High FrΓ€u humor
What do you call a shirt with a stoned marsupial on it?
High koala tee.
What would you call a stoned or drunk wolverine?
High Jackman
Anything recommended by a stoned person comes highly recommended.
What do you call a stoned prince?
Your highness
My favorite thing about being stoned
is how it really lets the townspeople get their aggression out.
Always go stoned to an auction.
Win or lose, youβll be the highest bidder.
I wanted a job I could do while stoned, so I got one as a handyman at an apartment complex.
Now I'm high maintenance.
What did the farmer say about his stoned cows
The steaks are high
Why didn't the kids tip the stoned cows?
The stakes were too high.
Why did the mathematician get stoned on 1/5?
He simplified from 4/20
What do you call a group of stoned gardeners playing Frisbee?
A high discus plant.
