If you don’t C-sharp, you’ll be B-flat
If you ask me, they’re cheapskates.
Coffin
Now I am on thin ice
We were starting to break the ice.
"It was our way of breaking the ice."
One brings people to justice, whilst the other brings people to just ice.
but it fell through.
literally.
sis: dad look, ice skating!
dad: no no, dear, you say: I AM skating.
Step mom: "Wow, he swept the podium!" Dad: "Yeah, the guys who were up there before him made a huge mess."
Mom: "Oh look, Team Canada is in second place for team figure skating!"
Dad: "Oh, that figures."
Me: Why is it called short-program skating?
Friend: Because it's the 20 second Olympics.
I said, “Oi, what’s your game?”
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
Because the ice might quack.
Just for the HALLIBUT
A Skate-Bird.
A roller bear!
He went skating on the lake before it was cool
Boarding school.
Because he wanted to make a skate bored!
A hoover board
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
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A sheep-skate.
Cheap skates
Scene: Bf was getting ready for a skate session and discovered a tiny pocket in the back on the waistband of his shorts intended for keys.
Me: Don't put your keys there, you might fall and get stabbed in the kidneys.
Bf: It's cool, I still have two adult knees.
Me: Oh my god.
I noticed my daughters earrings went nicely with her shirt, so like a good confidence-boosting dad would, I told her, "Your earrings match nicely." And she replied, "Yeah, Dad, they come in pairs."
She thought the song was too sad for rollerskating. I completely agreed and said there should definitely be a separation of church and skate.
He went ice skating before it was cool.
He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool
He went ice skating before it was cool.
He went ice skating before it was cool
He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool.
He went ice skating before it was cool.
He went ice skating before it was cool.
He went ice skating on a pond before it was cool.
He went skating before it was cool
..... I thought what a cheap skate
