My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Downloaded film Titanic for the family to watch this evening. Annoyingly Video and Sound has come across in separate files.

It's syncing right now.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iseb3881
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Asked my kids this morning to bring their laundry and separate it into whites and colors. My son holds up some grey sweats and asks which pile.

My response: Not sure son, that’s kind of a grey area.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are female prisoners kept in separate prisons?

Because most prisoners are in cells.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Masked_Death
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you separate eggs?

You put each egg in a different place.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SittingInFear
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What separates men from boys?

from

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-other-alt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Lit on two separate levels
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greengo122
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What separates a canine family tree from other species?

The bark.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcapz87
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A man takes his wife to an unusual restaurant where you must stand in separate lines for each food item ...

As they sit down, the husband offers to go get their dinner. First he waits in line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for the potatoes. He he waits in the vegetable line, the bread line, the salad line, and even the gravy line.

He finally returns to the table with two heaping plates of food. β€œWhat would you like to drink?” he asks.

β€œA glass of punch would be nice,” she says. So off he goes to get it. He finds a line for wine, a line for beer, a line for soda, a line for milk, even a line for water. After considering all of his options he gives up and returns to the table empty-handed.

Sometimes there is no punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Curmudgeon1836
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What separates the Uninformed from the Uniformed

A single letter β€œn”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kor3nse
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Can someone help me out with a name pun with the name Nina and Olivia? (Separate) thanks.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASDFGHJKL_101
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
this dude at my school had two separate hit lists. we all knew who was on the white one, but the blacklist? no clue.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/erdankely
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the line that separates a regular joke from a dad joke?

The punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 283
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πŸ‘€︎ u/janus10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2017
🚨︎ report
what separates ireland and iceland?

nothing but a c

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dnkXmmsXbrknXdrms
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know what separates a dad joke from a bad joke?

I cannot tell you. You'll just have to C for yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreatasaurusRex
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
"Is it weird if I really like the mountains that separate Europe from Asia?"

Nope, Ural good

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dayman__aAa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Listen kids, your mum and I have decided to go separate ways

We need to know which way is shortest to school.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rawSingularity
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend asked me what I do for a living. I said I separate fact from fiction.

I work in a library.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If cosine is the denominator and sine is the numerator, what separates them?

The tanline

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Howardyoudoing95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A husband was doing laundry and forgot to separate his wife's white dress from his new red shirt.

He got in a load of trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zanman28
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me to separate the fats from carbohydrates for dinner.

So I told my wife I’d be eating in the living room from now on.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b8410
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Waiter: "Are there separate checks or together?"

Dad: "No checks please."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Real_Goose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What separates humans from dolphins?

The surface of the water.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
How does Rick Astley separate himself from an investigation?

He tells the investigators that he will Rick-use himself from the investigation.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalkingDown46
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
🚨︎ report
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.

So, I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So, I have an uncle once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My father was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report

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