What does Bruce Wayne drink with his scotch?

Just ice.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Kill_Them_Back
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 08 2020
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I met a lady at a bar who was a housekeeper. I offered to buy her a drink. She said, "sure. I'll take a scotch..."

"Make it neat."

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 08 2020
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How does Batman take his scotch?

With just-ice.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DoomRulz
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 03 2020
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What does a superhero put in their scotch?

Just ice.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 46
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Mahare
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 27 2020
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How do cavemen drink their scotch?

On the rocks...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DanGlerrBOY89
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 23 2020
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A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender โ€œIโ€™ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youโ€. โ€œSure thingโ€ the bartender replies and asks โ€œbut whatโ€™s with the big pause?

โ€

The panda holds up his hands and says โ€œI was born with themโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 429
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/notdadbot
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 08 2019
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Whatโ€™s the difference between a scotch man and Walt Disney?

A Scotsman wears a kilt and Walt Disneyโ€™

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/spottydogsoitis
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 16 2019
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Scotch in a bar
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 39
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MrDot777
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 28 2018
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Do you know what the difference is between twelve-year-old scotch and baby formula?

No? Then you sure as hell aren't babysitting my kid!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/EngineersAnon
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 15 2019
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โ€œMay I have your finest scotch please?โ€, I asked the guy behind the counter.

โ€œItโ€™s just a roll of tape, sir,โ€ said the cashier at Staples.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 274
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 18 2018
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Scotch on the rocks with a twist
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jakek931
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 06 2018
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I like my scotch on the rocks.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 30
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/smithtomkundi1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 13 2018
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Roy Moore ordered a 12 year old Scotch.

She didn't like it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RancidLemons
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 14 2017
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I'm new to Scotch drinking, but I don't like ones with peat. Buddy convinced me to try one

Yeah, re-peat: my mistake

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/xwhy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 08 2016
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We were drinking scotch last night...

"Oooh. What year is it?"

"Well, it's 2014. But if we wait a bit it might change."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/zeekaran
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 01 2015
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Badum tss
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bett3r
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 19 2020
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A bear walks into a bar.

Barkeep: "What'll it be?"

Bear: "I'll have a scotch and....... ..... a soda."

Barkeep: "Coming right up, but curious, why the big pause, there?"

Bear: holds up arms and looks at them "I don't know. I've had them my whole life."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Nxsclothing
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 04 2020
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What is Doc Brown's favorite drink?

Great Scotch!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheyCallMeDrAsshole
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 14 2020
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I need glasses to see my family

More specifically, two glasses .... of scotch

(Credit: Norm Macdonald Live)

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sillysadandsolemn
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 23 2020
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What do you get if you feed Whisky to hens?

Scotch eggs

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/td941
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 20 2020
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I accidentally broke my most expensive bottle of booze in the house!

Luckily, I was able to fix it with my scotch tape!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/-unknown_harlequin-
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 12 2020
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A pony walks into a tavern...

He walks over to the bar and sits down with a heavy sigh.

Bartender: "Hey buddy, why the long fa-"

Pony: "Cut the shit. We've all heard that one. Glass of scotch. Warm. No ice."

The bartender hastily complies and the pony promptly downs it in a single shot.

Pony: "Ahhh I needed that."

Bartender: "Imagine so. You look like you've had a long day."

Pony: "Nah. I'm just a little hoarse."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HeavyMetalHeartbreak
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 01 2020
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A guy with a speach impediment asked my dad...

"Have you been in any wisky situacions?" My dad awnsered with "Not realy, I'm more of a scotch person."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DragonFireKitty
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 28 2019
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Some people are like rocks

Cool until you get the urge to throw them over a cliff

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AfricaStar419
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 17 2019
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My farts smell like butterscotch.

Ya, they either smell like Butt or Scotch

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AssNiner
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 12 2019
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What is the Easter Bunny's favorite drinking game?

Hop Scotch

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 38
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/wallagm
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 21 2019
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What is an alcoholics favorite kind of tape?

Scotch tape

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/manaphy099
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 14 2018
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What did Christopher Lloyd say after drinking Johnnie Walker?

Great scotch!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/myworkaccountatwork
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 07 2019
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I told the bartender to surprise me with a drink. He pulled out ice and tape. I asked him what he was making.

He said โ€œScotch on the Rocksโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Ekhypebeast02
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 03 2018
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I took my daughter out for her first drink...

While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink. Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house. I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got her a Killian's she didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it. I thought maybe she'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope! In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfiddich. The bar's finest scotch. She wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized she just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!
~
~
[edited for spelling. sorry to offend.]

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lithium91w
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 04 2017
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Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

Scotch.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 60
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/muelleimer98
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 05 2015
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What did the collie say to the bartender?

ill take a scotch life has been ruff...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Shaded_Gamers
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 26 2017
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The adventures of Max Dad, P.I.

The sun shone into my office through the lowered blinds all clumsy like, fumbling through the gaps between the venetian slats like a drunk fishing for loose change in his pockets; trying to see if he has money enough for one last drink or maybe the bus ride home.

The dame looked me up and down, clearly disappointed by what sat in front of her. I didnโ€™t blame her. Three days of salt and pepper stubble clung to my my crude boxerโ€™s jaw and the bags under my eyes were so big half the bums downtown could sleep in there and not even know anyone else was with 'em. That was ok. This broad wasnโ€™t hiring me for my looks and I wasnโ€™t looking to her for approval. We both knew what brought her in here, it was the name on the door.

Max Dad P.I. - thatโ€™s me. Private Investigatorโ€™s sure not the profession my mother would have picked out for me, but it keeps me in whisky and it keeps a roof over my head and thatโ€™ll do for now. The dame parted those cherry red lips of hers as she took another pull on that just-lit cigarette and nervously stubbed it out in the ashtray. My eyebrows knit together slightly. I hate seeing things go to waste.

โ€œSo as I was saying, Mr Dad,โ€ she began.

โ€œPlease, call me Maxโ€

โ€œAlright, Maxโ€ฆ well, as I was saying, my bag is missing. Stolen, I think. I urgently need it back. Shall I describe it to you?โ€

โ€œNo thatโ€™s alright miss. You got nothing to worry about,โ€ I replied, sliding a bottle out of the desk drawer and pouring a big slug of scotch into to my morning coffee, โ€œIโ€™m sure itโ€™ll be a brief case.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 24
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/johnnyohnny
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 18 2016
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What do you call a prison guard wearing a kilt?

Scotch whiskey.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/derivedintegral
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 03 2017
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A Polar Bear Walks Into a Bar...

My Dad's favorite joke:

A polar bear walks into a bar and sits on a stool. The barkeep asks him, "What'll it be?" The polar bear says, "I'll have a scotch......................... and a bourbon" The barkeep asks, "what's with the big pause?" The polar bear answers, "I was born with them!"

[cue groan track]

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/UnicornRancher
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 03 2013
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My dad's famous line... At every restaurant (yes I have stolen it)

Waiter: what can I get you to drink? Dad: I'll take some butterscotch. Light on the butter, heavy on the scotch.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tkinneyv
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 06 2015
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A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender โ€œIโ€™ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youโ€. โ€œSure thingโ€ the bartender replies and asks โ€œbut whatโ€™s with the big pause?

โ€

The panda holds up his hands and says โ€œI was born with themโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/notdadbot
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 12 2019
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A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender โ€œIโ€™ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youโ€. โ€œSure thingโ€ the bartender replies and asks โ€œbut whatโ€™s with the big pause?

โ€

The panda holds up his hands and says โ€œI was born with themโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/notdadbot
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 02 2019
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A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender โ€œIโ€™ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youโ€. โ€œSure thingโ€ the bartender replies and asks โ€œbut whatโ€™s with the big pause?

โ€

The panda holds up his hands and says โ€œI was born with themโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/notdadbot
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 01 2019
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