I scorched my feet on the beach the other day

My friends all call me Burnie Sanders.

👍︎ 10
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 22 2015
🚨︎ report
It was a scorching day and Sean Connery was really craving a nice cold beer to quench his thirst.

but when he opened the fridge door he remembered about that open can of soda. Guess that's shandy

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 05 2017
🚨︎ report
I was barred from a recent foam-firing toy tournament for lighting my darts on fire.

They didn't approve of my scorched nerf policy.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/gralatus
📅︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What i get for christmas as a child...

As a young, naive child, I asked my dad what I would get for Christmas. He said, "Close your eyes and tell me what you see." I said "nothing" , totally oblivious to the impending, scorching punch line. "that's what you're getting."

👍︎ 255
💬︎
👤︎ u/luvm4ch1n
📅︎ Dec 14 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.