My wife and I share the same sense of humour.
We have to....She doesn't have one.
Two women were sharing the same ID card
What are you if you smoke marijuana and masturbate at the same time?
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.
My ADHD medicine comes in a case shaped like a 3-sided polygon where each side is the same size, and the pills are distributed uniformly.
It's an equal Adderall triangle.
Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion.
My friend Peter keeps saying the same things over again.
So I nicknamed him Re-Peter.
I was telling my friend that brown rice is the same as white rice, but with a criminal record....
He thinks I'm a riceist for saying that.
English for foreigners... When do S and C sound the same?
When you meet someone with the same name as you!
Are people with the same shoe size called sole mates?
But both have same name(almost)
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
What do you call a prom with the same theme every year?
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
Drives me crazy when people keep repeating the same dad joke
Redheads are all the same
They do everything gingerly
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.
Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.
It occurred to me today that I would have loved to see two of my favorite bands from the 90s, led respectively by David Usher and Gavin Rossdale, on the same ticket. The sign on the theatre would have been epic.
What do you call it when two Egyptians fart at the same time?
Dad: What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane? Son: they both weigh the same.
Dad: wrong. Water is a fluid and butane is a lighter fluid!
Edit: credit to u/Kelly240361
What do you call two people looking at the same thing at different times?
TIL: Two elephants of the same herd won’t go into the same body of water together at the same time.
It’s because they only have one pair of trunks between the two of them.
I told me therapist, “Last night, I had a nightmare that I was fighting Jason Bourne and Will Hunting at the same time.”
Therapist: I’m glad that you are finally battling your Damons.
I recently moved from California to West Virginia and discovered both have the same squirrels.
Except here, they’re in the freezer and buckshot is a side dish.
I met my wife when we were both stabbed by the same knife
What do you call it when a teacher watches his class as they take a test and plays online poker at the same time?
People are always telling me that “mean” and “rude” have the same definitions. So I ask them,
Rhett is not the same man without his beard
Has COVID-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
If so, you may be entitled to condensation.
I tried to substitute eggroll skins instead of the usual for my fried Chinese dumplings. They tasted the same, but came out rectangular.
I guess it's back to square won.
Most people think that all testicles are pretty much the same, but
Did you know that there are no canaries in the Canary Islands? The same thing applies with the Virgin Islands...
There are no canaries there either...
A drug addicted midget is the only thing that will always be both lower and higher than me at the same time.
Setting my heights real low on this one guys. Lol
You know that theory about no two people see colours exactly the same way...
Surely it's a pigment of their imagination ?
The mayor of Jaws is the same mayor in Jaws 2.
Goes to show that it’s important to vote in elections.
What do you call it when you want to have the same breakfast every day?
How do you make 3 old ladies all yell profanities at the same time ?
Have a fourth one yell "BINGO"
I remember when the kids used to tease me for my abilities as a tailor. I also had the same retort:
I had to reschedule a work meeting today to bring my son to the orthodontist. My coworker said she was thinking the same thing because she has to visit the dentist.
I told her that was quite coinciDENTAL.
On average, a panda feeds for approximately 12 hours a day. It’s the same with humans under quarantine.
That’s why it’s called a “Pandemic”.
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for years?
What do you call it when two ancient Egyptians fart at the same time?
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
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