From Endgame until Sam Wilson took up the shield, the MCU lost its greatest hero.

No Cap.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bennekles23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Toucan Sam was murdered?

They think it was the work of a cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimnengil
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't Sam ever get along with his Father's sister, Ithesis?

Because she was his...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gimli_jpc
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you heard what they've been saying about Sam's performance last night?

Apparently Samsung.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pikhathu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who murdered Cap'n, Tony and Sam?

He's this country's most notorious cereal killer

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
And so Sam sung note 7
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goldenpike
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when Sam Malone from 'Cheers' goes to the club?

You get Ted Dancin'

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ragna_Blade
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between an Indian restaurant and a Vietnamese restaurant?

Indian places are naan profit, Vietnamese places are pho profit.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WVU_Benjisaur
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Anyone who can spell the word drawer backwards...

..... Will get a reward.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history?

The Bushes

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/caverypca
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Argon enters a bar, the bartender says β€œWe don’t serve noble gases here.”

Argon does not react.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dick_Squeakly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2021
🚨︎ report
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jzagri
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Just saw on the internet
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PN341720
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was Sam the bard kicked out of the Apple store?

Because Sam sung.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strong91105
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
"ground" the kid
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/freakynit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo

After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tieyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Help with puns for the name Samuel/Sammy/Sam?

What are some good puns for that name? (Preferably 1 word, instead of a whole phrase) thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Modsareawesome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the... Bottom...

(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wotmate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What pan is the best to make sushi in?

Japan.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Most-Stomach4240
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Looking forward to the Fibonacci convention this year, it's supposed to be really special..

..and as big as the last two put together.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." Concerned, she asked, "Which doctor?"

"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..

it's Hans free now..

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I threw up in the toilet
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that your pupils are the last parts to stop working after you die?

They dilate

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mayes825
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

Not even remotely.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
🚨︎ report
The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, β€œI’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”

He said, β€œChange the batteries in your hearing aid”.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Shireman Sam.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Oh the tangled web we weave ...
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I got dishonourably discharged from the Navy yesterday for accidentally boarding a different vessel.

Oops, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the man who was posing as a member of the band at a Saint Patrick’s Festival?

They caught him because he was playing sham-rock

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DummGhahrr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.

But Samsung anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence?

For example

  1. I ate my friend's lunch
  2. I ate my friend's colon
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jezza000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Everyone told Sam not to sing
πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?

handshakes

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarjuful_Tabeeb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
The substance you wash your hair with isn’t made from real feces, it’s fake. You could say it’s sham poo.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/idkwhatevsqwert
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.

But Patrick is the star.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Whoever invented the knock knock joke should get a prize.

The no bell prize.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WittyOnReddit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superuglypotate
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.