She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
She said “then wear your own one then”
"Well then, you'd better wear your own!"
It will be called wikileeks.com
While waiting for a table at a restaurant, we were discussing if my girlfriend's mom would cut off her hair when the friend lost hers. Suddenly her dad asks, "What kind of candy cow doesn't produce milk anymore?" We all stare blankly until he continued "Milk duds." After a moment of silence his wife suggests we get a drink from the bar while we wait.
7 was a Registered 6 offender.
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
Guy 1: I heard that the main character kept stabbing people on the set filming Legally Blonde. I can't remember her full name. It was Reese..... something. She just kept attacking people one by one but I don't know who it was.
Guy 2: Witherspoon
Guy 1: No...... with her knife. Who would be that stupid to use a spoon to hurt over.
Because you must first veal before you can reveal.
And yes, I just said this to my wife. She can't wait until our kids are teenagers and I can tell these jokes in front of their friends.
Its a two part series that's quite revealing.
The autopsy revealed he overdosed on quack.
"He was always looking down on me!"
It's a case of, in one ear and out of the uddet
They had a little boy.
Bernie.
real hot right now.
My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.
One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.
Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?”
My brother replies, “Yeah. Liana Noelle.”
Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.
Then after a moment I shout, “How the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”
Boy, I’m gonna blow up
Apparently it refers to the baby.
It was great, but I can’t work out why I was the only naked person there.
They always reveal the answer
Because of the unusually high Mercury content.
I can report that they are having an owl
It's because they wash their Hans
Cause he never revealed any of his secrets.
He said, I'll keep an eye out for it.
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti
Surgeons revealed he is now 'fully recovered'.
I looked him dead in the eyes and said look at me, I weigh 360 lbs I have a fatty everything.
...he was a Solo Child.
I originally posted this in r/MaliciousCompliance, but several commenters thought it would be good here as well. I hope this isn't a re-run for too many of you.
This was years ago when my son was starting middle school. I was transporting him and a group of his new friends. One of the friends was French, and spoke French at home. My son mentioned that I had taken French in high school, and so one of his friends asked me to say something in French and see if French girl could understand me.
Before I go on, a note on parenting style: we joke around with our kids all the time. I know that not all parents joke with their children; some of my kids' friends enjoyed to a dad who makes a joke, and some would look at me like I grew a second head.
So I said to the French girl, «quelque chose». Immediately the friends turned to French girl and asked "What did he say?"
I waited, wondering whether she would join my joke.
A sly smile crept across her face as she said, "he said...something". The rest of the trip, the friends tried to convince her to reveal what it was that I had said. «quelque chose» is the French phrase for "something".
But I'm polite, I only look at the covered parts
It’s a KOI!
Because every time your dentist gave them to you she dyed a little inside!
What do you mean? It’s a grill.
His life had its prose and cons
He tried to do it squid pro quo.
My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.
One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.
Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?”
My brother replies, “Yeah. Liana Noelle.”
Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.
Then after a moment I shout, “How the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”
Edit (10/22/2014): Probably won't be seen or noticed by anyone, but my baby niece was just born today! She's on the opposite side of the country, but I can't wait to meet her!
They said it was a gender reveal party?
