I found what looked like a kitten frozen in my iced-over pool. I dug it out and let it defrost, it turned out to be a big squirrel.
I thought I thaw a pussycat.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
Can You Let Me Out? I Need Teepee
An alien came down to Earth the other day, stepped out of his spaceship and said, "G'day cobber! Let's start a barby and throw some shrimp on! Strewth!".....
....he was an Austr-alien
I never should have let E hang out with D, C, AA and AAA.
I let my out of town girlfriend know her vegetable service delivered a package today and I had some bad news.
She asked what had happened to it,
I told her the box had a leek in it.
I dropped a piece of ice, and it slid out of reach. I decided to let it be.
It’s just water under the fridge.
A family was out hunting and the mother said it was time to go. The father replied, I’ll be right there, let me just...
You know that moment when you let a fart out but accidentally released a log?
Yeah my dad calls that from bubble to trouble.
Today, I let one gas out
And I must say, it was a piece o fart.
let me tell you the twitter handle of a horror company out of this world
@mustfear
edit : thisnisna dad joke. not intended as an actual twitter handle search.
When I saw the price of the audiobook I let out an Audible gasp
I ran out of laundry detergent today. I didn't let it get me down.
I realized it was just the start of a whole new Era.
Here, let me spell it out for you
I’ll let you figure this one out
Hookers don't fart, they lets out prosti-toots.
My brother let me keep his phone, which ran out of battery
Dad: (Smiling while filling out paperwork at the DMV) Son: Dad, why are you smiling? The DMV sucks! Dad: Let's just say your mom probably won't let me run errands anymore...
Let’s take out the middle man in the almanac
If you let the air out of tires, is it fresh air or tired air?
From my friend and former coworker Jim. The "king" of dad jokes.
I read a funny French pun. Laughed so hard I let out a little 'oui'.
Take everything you know about bread and throw it out the window. Now let me tell you something about this new thing I made...
I let my buddy try these special glasses that let you visualize the words that come out of someone's mouth.
"Whoa", he replied, "I see what you're saying".
I live in such a dangerous city that I can’t let the kids out at night.
They might just rob someone.
Do you know what happened to Lance the entrepeneur once he was let out of prison?
Now that the cat's out of the bag, let's go find him.
I have Promotional Bracelets to hand out at my comic shop, but people can't let the police see...
Partner: I'm going to let the dogs out
Me: Finally! The Baha Men can close the case!
What did the grape do when he got stepped on?He let out a little wine
Did you hear about the farmer who let his 196 cows out to pasture?
When he rounded them up he had 200.
I was making out on the couch with my wife the other day when she looked at me sexy and said "Let's take this upstairs"
I got up and told her "I'll get this end. You take the other one"
Girlfriend told me to take the potato out of the microwave and let it rest for awhile.
imgur.com/naKysrf
Let's make like a fetus and head out.
So let me tell you a little about my situation. It's currently about -12°F outside and my HVAC just broke. So, I decided to build a fire, but it turns out I can't use my fireplace because it needs a new flue, and I'm sorry if this is the wrong subreddit for this
but I just need t(w)o vent(s) right now.
What did the ghost say to the other ghost when he said, let's hang out?
We were out browsing for sleep number beds, and dad let this loose on the salesman.
"What do you call twins conceived on a waterbed? "Off springs!"
Oh, dad. Your sense of humor can't hold water...
Shit, now he's got me doing it. Send help!
My coworker, a dad, let this one out during lunch.
We were sitting around talking about different foods when someone mentioned eating beef tongue. Someone else asked "how does it taste" The dad of the group answered "well it doesn't anymore".
I had to laugh, but there were plenty of eye rolls.
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