Me: *throws hands in resignation*

The guy whose hands I just amputated: *looks at me awkwardly*

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/89odev
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2020
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I resigned from the ironing board.

Too many pressing issues and no way to de crease the number of suits against us.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lfantine
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2021
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I didn't like my job, so I resigned.

But then I changed my mind, so I re-signed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AxiomClient
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2021
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The woman in charge of our local primary school has decided to resign.

She wants to quit while she's a head.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2020
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Recently, I've resigned from my position as a tunnel drill operator.

The job was boring.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/b3rkath
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2020
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I was trying to emulate the Easter bunny.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2020
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My father was in the army...

And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me it’s a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child. Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass it’s bowels, but nothing was working. One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasn’t the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.

β€œWhy don’t you just admit it Harry”, she said;

but he stuck to his denial,

β€œYou think I could ever do something like this Sarah”, he said.

Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.

My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said β€œWell if the Foux shits...”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RangaRedRascal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 03 2020
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Will Trump resign?

No but Theresa May

πŸ‘οΈŽ 148
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ProfessorMurica
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2019
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It's official The British Prime Minister has resigned.

It was expected though, It's the end of May after all.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2019
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When I realized how terrible the play was, I quietly resigned from my job as a stage designer.

I left without making a scene.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2019
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If you have to resign in Scrabble,

Then you’re at a loss for words.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HadoukenKitty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2018
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So I heard that the Volkswagen CEO resigned...

I guess you could say he fell off the wagen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/krayt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23 2015
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43 out of the 44 U.S. Presidents actually ran for office.

FDR just rolled in there.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2018
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Why won't a signwriter ever correct their work?

They'd have to resign.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/glonomosonophonocon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2019
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What did Obama say when he proposed to Michelle?

I don’t want to be Obamaself.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 65
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PikachuIsConfuzzled
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2017
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What does firewood do when it gets burnt out?

It tinders its resignation.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zchpayne
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2017
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My dad and brother teamed up!

I'm home for the holidays so I was lying down in my room when suddenly my brother and father burst in! My brother is holding a tape measure.

They say "Hey, check out this new physics we've invented!" while my brother fiddles with the tape measure.

I looked up and with a mixture of horror and resignation I asked "What?"

"It's the principle of BELLYTIVITY!" while stretching the tape measure between their belly buttons.

Cackling they both ran out of the room.

I'm stuck here for five more weeks. I don't think I'm gonna make it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Eschaton
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2013
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Got one of my students the other day.

Context: I just put in my resignation notice at the school I work at, and word traveled amongst students fairly rapidly.

Student walks into room: "Say it ain't so, Mr. so-and-so" Me: " Oh man, I freaking love Weezer!" Confused looks were soon followed by groans.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MabDarogan
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2015
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