The Resignation Puns

Too many pressing issues and no way to de crease the number of suits against us.

She wants to quit while she's a head.

It was expected though, It's the end of May after all.

I left without making a scene.

And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me it’s a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child. Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass it’s bowels, but nothing was working. One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasn’t the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.

“Why don’t you just admit it Harry”, she said;

but he stuck to his denial,

“You think I could ever do something like this Sarah”, he said.

Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.

My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said “Well if the Foux shits...”

I guess you could say he fell off the wagen.

I'm home for the holidays so I was lying down in my room when suddenly my brother and father burst in! My brother is holding a tape measure.

They say "Hey, check out this new physics we've invented!" while my brother fiddles with the tape measure.

I looked up and with a mixture of horror and resignation I asked "What?"

"It's the principle of BELLYTIVITY!" while stretching the tape measure between their belly buttons.

Cackling they both ran out of the room.

I'm stuck here for five more weeks. I don't think I'm gonna make it.

Context: I just put in my resignation notice at the school I work at, and word traveled amongst students fairly rapidly.

Student walks into room: "Say it ain't so, Mr. so-and-so" Me: " Oh man, I freaking love Weezer!" Confused looks were soon followed by groans.